HP Book One: Chapter 2

Greetings!

Chapter Title: The Vanishing Glass
What I Would Call: 101 Ways to Get Arrested For Child Abuse or Harry Potter's Best Day Ever


The story continues 10 years later on the 11th birthday of Dudley Dursley.

As soon as Harry says he sleeps under the stairs in a cupboard I shake my head in pity. I've often wondered about HOW this was okay. I mean, where I come from, it's pretty illegal to make kids sleep in places like that. I mean, child services would be all over that.

But, alas, no one calls child services for Harry. Instead he sleeps under the cupboard with spiders and has to  out run his fat, spoiled cousin from beating on him all of the time. Poor Harry.

However, despite the fact that his life sucks, I immediately like Harry (this changes when we get to book five and we get "I fucking Hate My Life and Everyone In It" Harry). He's quite funny and he thinks things in his head that amuse him that he doesn't say out loud which is something I do ALL the time. Saying Dudley looked like a pig in a wig was funny. Did he say this outloud? No. He would get drop kicked in the face. But inside his head it's all fair game. He can think horrible, awful things about people and no one will know it.

Which, I suppose, is the point.

Anyway, it's Dudley's birthday and Dudley is pissed that he's only got 36--sorry--37 presents. Harry scarfs down his bacon in case his cousin flips out and knocks the table over. Good thinking, Harry. ALWAYS save the bacon.

Enter Mrs. Figg, the ultimate crazy cat lady--sort of. Apparently she's broken her leg and can't watch him while the Dursley's go out to have a night on the town.

But if no one will watch Harry it means he finally gets to go out in public like a normal child, of course not before they suggest leaving him in the car first, but they can't do that because the car is new. Never mind the fact that if you leave an 11-yer-old child in a car by himself for hours in the middle of the day he could suffocate and probably die since he wouldn't be able to get out the car because you'd probably cut his skinny little wrists off if he even thought about touching the handle.

Anyway, Dudley's buddy Piers (another stupid name) shows up and they go off to the zoo. On the way, after promising Uncle Vernon no funny business he reminisces over all the funny business he'd been involved in that wasn't his fault. Like the day Aunt Petunia cut off all his hair and it grew back before morning. Or the time he didn't want to wear a sweater and it shrunk down so small it couldn't fit him.  Or the time he jumped onto the roof of his school.

Harry also says that Uncle Vernon loves to bitch, mostly about Harry, but on the freeway he says today he decided to be pissy about motorcycles. Then Harry behaves like any normal 10-year-old and says he had a dream about a motorcycle and it was flying. He is immediately scolded by Uncle Vernon because motorcycles don't fly.

*Mentally kicks Uncle Vernon in the face while demanding he grow an imagination*

When they arrive at the hospital, we see that the Dursleys, in their own sick way, do kind of care for Harry. They don't leave him in the car so that the newness of it will be safe from his 10-year-old hands and then, sadly, Harry has the best day of his life.

When they buy Dudley and Piers awesome ice cream they buy Harry and cheap little Popsicle which excites him more than it should excite any child and my soul dies a bit inside. When they go to the foodcourt for lunch, Dudley is dissatisfied with the smallness of his desert so Harry gets to eat it so Dudley can have a bigger one. My soul dies even more.

I mean, I love a kid who really appreciates the simple things in life but it really disgusts me that the only reason this is the best day ever for Harry is because the rest of his life has been crappy.

When they get to the reptile house and come across the infamous boa, it's sleeping and Dudley and Piers can't be bothered with it. Harry apologizes to the snake for their idiocy. And then it seems to respond to him. They converse for a moment.

Now, it says a lot about me that I didn't find anything about this exchange magical when I was nine. You see, I often found myself conversing with animals and inanimate objects as child, whether they responded or not. Sometimes, especially if your circumstances were crappy and you were unhappy, when you can just talk and someone/something just listens without saying a word, you feel better.

Dudley and Piers see that the snake is moving and are thrilled. They go over to snake and began acting like idiots again and then POOF the glass vanishes and the snake is out on the ground. After saying goodbye to his best friend, Harry, the snake sets off for his home country.

While this OBVIOUSLY had nothing to do with Harry *cough* *cough*, Uncle Vernon punishes him anyway taking away Harry's right of having three square meals a day and locking him under the stairs again.

That's right, Uncle Vernon, you tell him who's boss. Eating is a privilege. Daylight is a privilege. Besides, a little childhood trauma builds character.