HP Book One: Chapter 4

Chapter Title: The Keeper of the Keys
What I Would Call It: Do Not Piss Off Hagrid

Assuming, Uncle Vernon knew all about wizards and magic and awesome, what was he doing with a riffle? Like, seriously, a riffle? Wizards don't need guns. They're magic. Idiot.

But yes, Uncle Vernon greets Hagrid (yay! Hagrid!) with a riffle at the door (which Hagrid accidentally knocked down because he's a BAMF).

After frightening Dudley we hear this phrase for the first time "you look like your dad, but you've got your mother's eyes", except Hagrid says it all adorable and Hagrid like with lots of "yer's" and "yeh'ves."

Uncle Vernon, still has his riffle, like he's some kind of badass, but Hagrid is more badass and takes the gun and twists it into a knot all like the Juggernaut or something.

After this feat of awesome he gives Harry a cake which he may or may not have sat on "at some point". (Ewe).

Harry asks who Hagrid is and he introduces himself as "Rubeus Hagrid--Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts." He fails to mention that he's the most adorable character in the book until you meet Neville, Tonks, and Luna, in that order.

So, Hagrid whips up some tea, some sausage, and some "amber liquid" from his pockets along with a tea kettle and poker from his pockets. I think perhaps Hagrid is the reason I never take anything out of my pockets. The things I find in there would blow your mind.

Harry, after enjoying some sausage tells Hagrid he still has no idea who he is. Hagrid mentions Hogwarts again and Harry is still completely clueless.

Hagrid is described as looking shocked. Harry apologizes for his ignorance which offends Hagrid because how can you NOT KNOW what Hogwarts is. It's only the best place ever in the whole of the universe. The only time I would ever turn down an invitation to Hogwarts is if the Doctor and the TARDIS popped up and he asked me if I wanted to go visit the Palace of Black Marble on the planet Meiers in the Dagobah System--or anywhere really.

Actually in that event I'd probably cry on the Doctor's shoes and ask why he chose NOW to come into my life and why he would ever make me choose between him and Hogwarts. I don't know what I'd do.

But I digress, the outrages don't stop at lack of knowing about Hogwarts. They continue on to Harry not even know that he was famous, or that about anything. Then, line that pretty much everyone wants to hear told to them by Hagrid: "yer a wizard."

And then he get's his Hogwarts letter and my insides are set ablaze with jealousy.

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry with Dumbledore's name and many titles: Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Cofed. of Wizards.

Again, they forgot "The Ultimate Badass" and "Girls Want Him and Guys Want to Be Him" and "Connoisseur of Candy."

I want a Hogwarts letter saying "Dear Miss Frazier, we are please to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." I want McGonagall to sign it at the bottom in her fancy cursive. And here's Harry all "I don't know what's going on? What does it mean by 'send an owl?' What's a muggle?"

I know it's not his fault but, all the same, he has no idea how awesome his life is about to become... If you ignore all the murder and the being hunted by a dark wizard...

So Hagrid explains--his parents were wizards, he is a wizard, he is going to Hogwarts. He tells him about how Voldemort tried for absolutely no reason *couch cough* to kill Harry and his parents and that he's super famous because he was only a year old when Voldemort tried to kill him and he failed and has since then vanished.

Some how, Uncle Vernon is still determined to not let Harry go to Hogwarts.

Silly muggle.

But then Vernon calls Dumbledore a crackpot old fool and Hagrids get's all awesome.

After telling Vernon to never insult Dumbledore in front of him he gives Dudley a pig's tail with his awesome pink umbrella of awesomeness. Of course, he had been trying to turn Dudley into a pig, but I think this result was much funnier. Like, turning him into a whole pig would've been scary but just a pig's tail, shows yes you CAN do magic but you're just giving them a taste of it.

The thing is Hagrid isn't allowed to use magic because he was expelled from Hogwarts in his third year--they snapped his wand and everything. Harry asks why (WHY indeed) and then Hagrid changes the subject. They've got to get his stuff for school tomorrow! It's exciting! It's wonderful!

Then Hagrid puts a cloak on Harry that may or may not still have mice in the pockets.

Again, ewe.

HP Book One: Chapter 3

Chapter Title: The Letter's From No One
What I Would Call It: Why Does Harry Get A Thousand Hogwarts Letters When I Can't Even Get ONE?

It's okay to laugh, Harry.

In the beginning of this chapter we're introduced to a new sport: Harry Hunting. Instead of calling this book "the Sorcerer's Stone" why not just title it "Idiot's Guide to Traumatizing Children"? I was so happy for Harry at the zoo with his ice cream and now he's back to being locked in the cupboard being the main target of a game called "Harry Hunting".

However, things are looking up--Dudley and his BFF Piers are going to some school called Smelting where they wear maroon tailcoats and orange knickerbockers. Apparently knickerbocker isn't just a funny word, they also look funny because Harry laughed on the inside when he saw Dudley in them. Harry Potter, my 11-year-old self would've have tried to marry you. Just sayin'.

Reading this book is making me nostalgic for this Harry. When Harry gets older and becomes a teenager he gets angsty and annoying and isn't nearly so funny anymore. But prepubescent Harry is cheeky and funny and manages to look on the bright side. I like this Harry. For example:

There was a horrible smell in the kitchen the next morning when Harry went in for breakfast. It seemed to be coming from a large metal tub in the sink. He went to have a look. The tub was full of what looked like dirty rags swimming in gray water.

"What's this?" he asked Aunt Petunia. Her lips tightened as they always did if he dared ask a question.

"Your new school uniform," she said.

Harry looked into the bowl again.

"Oh," he said, "I didn't realize it had to be so wet."

*High five*

Moving on, the plot thickens when the mail comes. After narrowly avoiding a thwack from the Smelting Stick, harry checks the mail and discovers A LETTER for himself.

I remember being 11 and being excited to get mail, even if it was just one of those little cards that said "It's Your Birthday April! Present this card at Bob Evans for a Free Meal!"

I feel so bad for Harry though, not knowing about Hogwarts.I'd be jumping out of my skin if I got my Hogwarts letter. Still, I think Harry could've handled the situation better. Instead of taking the letter into the kitchen where everyone was, why not just casually slip it into your cupboard on your way there so no one would know about it. I mean, you know your family is crazy and hates you and makes you sleep under the stairs, why chance it?

But, he didn't. Uncle Vernon took the letter and burned it. Harry = Sad Panda.

While he sulks in his cupboard, Uncle Vernon visits him and actually does something nice for Harry--He gives him Dudley's spare bedroom to sleep in. Goodbye Cupboard under the stairs, hello proper standing room. But Harry is sad because he knows, just like I knew, that he should've opened the letter before he went into the kitchen so he'd have it. Sleeping in a cupboard would've been worth having that letter. Harry can feel it.

And then, like magic, a new letter arrives. Instead of being addressed to the cupboard under the stair, it's to the smallest bedroom.

Apparently, this is when shit gets beef.

Thursday, Harry sneaks downstairs where Uncle Vernon is sleeping in front of the mailbox. Friday 12 letter's arrive. On Saturday 24 letters arrive in egg cartons.

Then Sunday arrives and, really, one of my favorite things ever in the whole series happens: The letters through the chimney attack. This drives Uncle Vernon so mad that they actually leave. But does that stop the letters? Heck no because you know what I already know, that Dumbledore is awesome. And while I've tried to figure out just how so many letters could've come through that chimney at once because there's no way that owls could do it, I just chalk it up to magic. There's no other way.

So, they go to a hotel where the letters find them and then Vernon gets desperate. A boat. In the middle of the ocean. In the middle of the storm on the eve of Harry's 11th birthday and drags them out to a hut on a rock where they stay the night.

Harry counts down the minutes to his birthday and at the very stroke of midnight there comes a banging sound on the door of the crappy little hut in the middle of the ocean. But who's at the door?

Hide ya kids. Hide ya wife.

HP Book One: Chapter 2

Greetings!

Chapter Title: The Vanishing Glass
What I Would Call: 101 Ways to Get Arrested For Child Abuse or Harry Potter's Best Day Ever


The story continues 10 years later on the 11th birthday of Dudley Dursley.

As soon as Harry says he sleeps under the stairs in a cupboard I shake my head in pity. I've often wondered about HOW this was okay. I mean, where I come from, it's pretty illegal to make kids sleep in places like that. I mean, child services would be all over that.

But, alas, no one calls child services for Harry. Instead he sleeps under the cupboard with spiders and has to  out run his fat, spoiled cousin from beating on him all of the time. Poor Harry.

However, despite the fact that his life sucks, I immediately like Harry (this changes when we get to book five and we get "I fucking Hate My Life and Everyone In It" Harry). He's quite funny and he thinks things in his head that amuse him that he doesn't say out loud which is something I do ALL the time. Saying Dudley looked like a pig in a wig was funny. Did he say this outloud? No. He would get drop kicked in the face. But inside his head it's all fair game. He can think horrible, awful things about people and no one will know it.

Which, I suppose, is the point.

Anyway, it's Dudley's birthday and Dudley is pissed that he's only got 36--sorry--37 presents. Harry scarfs down his bacon in case his cousin flips out and knocks the table over. Good thinking, Harry. ALWAYS save the bacon.

Enter Mrs. Figg, the ultimate crazy cat lady--sort of. Apparently she's broken her leg and can't watch him while the Dursley's go out to have a night on the town.

But if no one will watch Harry it means he finally gets to go out in public like a normal child, of course not before they suggest leaving him in the car first, but they can't do that because the car is new. Never mind the fact that if you leave an 11-yer-old child in a car by himself for hours in the middle of the day he could suffocate and probably die since he wouldn't be able to get out the car because you'd probably cut his skinny little wrists off if he even thought about touching the handle.

Anyway, Dudley's buddy Piers (another stupid name) shows up and they go off to the zoo. On the way, after promising Uncle Vernon no funny business he reminisces over all the funny business he'd been involved in that wasn't his fault. Like the day Aunt Petunia cut off all his hair and it grew back before morning. Or the time he didn't want to wear a sweater and it shrunk down so small it couldn't fit him.  Or the time he jumped onto the roof of his school.

Harry also says that Uncle Vernon loves to bitch, mostly about Harry, but on the freeway he says today he decided to be pissy about motorcycles. Then Harry behaves like any normal 10-year-old and says he had a dream about a motorcycle and it was flying. He is immediately scolded by Uncle Vernon because motorcycles don't fly.

*Mentally kicks Uncle Vernon in the face while demanding he grow an imagination*

When they arrive at the hospital, we see that the Dursleys, in their own sick way, do kind of care for Harry. They don't leave him in the car so that the newness of it will be safe from his 10-year-old hands and then, sadly, Harry has the best day of his life.

When they buy Dudley and Piers awesome ice cream they buy Harry and cheap little Popsicle which excites him more than it should excite any child and my soul dies a bit inside. When they go to the foodcourt for lunch, Dudley is dissatisfied with the smallness of his desert so Harry gets to eat it so Dudley can have a bigger one. My soul dies even more.

I mean, I love a kid who really appreciates the simple things in life but it really disgusts me that the only reason this is the best day ever for Harry is because the rest of his life has been crappy.

When they get to the reptile house and come across the infamous boa, it's sleeping and Dudley and Piers can't be bothered with it. Harry apologizes to the snake for their idiocy. And then it seems to respond to him. They converse for a moment.

Now, it says a lot about me that I didn't find anything about this exchange magical when I was nine. You see, I often found myself conversing with animals and inanimate objects as child, whether they responded or not. Sometimes, especially if your circumstances were crappy and you were unhappy, when you can just talk and someone/something just listens without saying a word, you feel better.

Dudley and Piers see that the snake is moving and are thrilled. They go over to snake and began acting like idiots again and then POOF the glass vanishes and the snake is out on the ground. After saying goodbye to his best friend, Harry, the snake sets off for his home country.

While this OBVIOUSLY had nothing to do with Harry *cough* *cough*, Uncle Vernon punishes him anyway taking away Harry's right of having three square meals a day and locking him under the stairs again.

That's right, Uncle Vernon, you tell him who's boss. Eating is a privilege. Daylight is a privilege. Besides, a little childhood trauma builds character.

HP Book One: Chapter 1

Greetings!

So today begins my reread of the entire Harry Potter series! I've finished reading chapter one and surprisingly I have learned a lot about my 19-year-old self and my 9-year-old self. This was meant to be funny and lighthearted and it is so laugh at me as I rediscover my inner child.

Chapter Title: The Boy Who Lived
What I Would Call It: The Dursleys Are Even More Boring Than I Remembered

The story begins with sentence that every Harry Potter fan knows almost by heart or can at least associate with the story:

"Mr.and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much."

Even now, 10 years after I've read this book for the very first time, it still makes me immediately hate the Dursleys. It probably makes me hate them now because I already know that they're made of fail, but I can't quite wrap my brain around why I hated them on principle when I was nine. Probably because I was so desperate to fit in and be normal at that age, but deep down I knew that I wasn't and that normal people made me angry for hating on us weirdos.

Moving right along though, I rediscover the reason that I've only read book one twice.

Because I hate exposition. Because it's boring.

And I'm old enough to know now that Jo wasn't writing about boring stuff to make me angry, she wrote about it because she probably wanted to make a point about how mind numbingly boring and run-of-the-mill the Dursleys are so you can later compare it to how extraordinary the story becomes.

Does not make it any less boring.

But I do relearn somethings that I learned when I was nine.

For starters, Mr. Dursley works for a company that makes drills. When I read this book when I was nine and again when I was 14 I could not for the life of my wrap my head around what drills were. Like it was weird British slang for something. Like it was paper or a different way to say law firm. I don't know why it took me turning 19 to figure out that it just means drills, which essentially means that the two times I picked up this book, I forgot drills existed. Not to mention, I have an aunt in the National Guard so my brain immediately goes to like military drills and stuff as opposed to a power tool.

I have issues.

But aside from my blatant stupidity, I read a few things that have stuck with me since reading the book the first time that make me laugh.

The image of Mrs. Dursley having a neck like a giraffe and craning it over fences to spy on neighbors. that imagery was apparently so powerful to me that any time someone says I'm craning my neck to look at something I stop because my desire to not be like Mrs. Durlsey is so powerful. I laugh on the inside every time I do it. It's like a reflex.

Then there's Dudley and it makes me sad that he doesn't want to grow up to be a Canadian mounty because what's the point in having that name if you're not going to continually try to thwart your nemesis Snidely Whiplash?

And lastly, Jo Rowling invents the word "unDursleyish" and I remember that I love her.

But then we go on to hear more about the Dursley and I read the line that made me finish reading the chapter when I was nine: "a cat reading a map." When I read that for the first time, even though Mr. Dursley dismissed it as nothing I knew we would come back to it and that's why I wanted to finish reading it.

Which for me was really painful since the next few pages are all about Mr. Dursley and his sucktastic job. Sure there was the mention of owls and that random wizard who hugged him and called him a muggle (which, honestly, would put me off too), but overall I just could not wait for it to be over and for him to bring up the name Harry Potter again.

And it happens--except Mrs. Dursley calls Harry a nasty and common name. I think people in glass houses shouldn't throw stone. I mean, you named your kid Dudley.

Anyway, the best thing ever happens after that--they go to be and I applaud.

And the something better happens--enter Albus Dumbledore clad in a purple cloak and high healed, buckled boots. My gaydar was totally turned off I was a kid. Not only did I not catch that Dumbledore was gay judging by his fantastic taste in wizard apparel, but my favorite person at the time was the guy who ran the after school daycare I went to at the time was incredibly gay also and I totally missed it.


After Dumbledore catches all the lights and the lights and secures his place as my favorite character of all time (until book 3 whe I fall in love with Remus J. Lupin) he goes back to that cat who turns out to be McGonagall.


Then I see a name that I remember from later books: Dedalus Diggle who "never had much sense."


Dumbledore offers McGonagall a lemon drop but apparently she doesn't think this is the time for lemon drops. Clearly McGonagall doesn't know that it's always time for lemon drops. I wish I had a lemon drop right now.


After this exchange which, made me giggle more than it should have, they mention Voldemort for the first time ever. It feels like only yesterday I couldn't figure out how to pronounce that name. . .


Now, here's when nine-year-old me got really confused. Apparently, Voldemort killed Lily and James Potter but couldn't kill their one-year-old son, Harry. But then again, babies are resilient creatures. Ever seen a baby swallow a dime and poop it out hours later like it was nothing? Have you ever tried to swallow a dime? You can't. You choke and more often than not die. Clearly the same principle can apply here to explain why Voldemort is a bad baby killer.

Enter lovable Hagrid on Sirius Black's (squeal! Fan girl!) flying motorbike, which now just makes me sad.

But on a more important note, Hagrid says the house was nearly destroyed which baffled me. Like the house blew up or caught fire or something happened and Voldemort still didn't kill Harry? The baby didn't die in the fire or the explosion that he caused? Way to be made of fail Voldemort.

They leave Harry with the Dursley and wish him good luck and the chapter ends with "To Harry Potter--The Boy Who Lived!"

And here's to Voldemort--The Man That Let the Boy Live.

Sweetest Day

Greetings!

So, I live in the wonderful city of Cleveland, Ohio and here in this grand ol' city we celebrate a holiday that's useless as a bucket warm spit.

Sweetest Day.

Never heard of it? Of course you haven't. That's because it's a dumb holiday only celebrated in the Great Lakes regions.

Why does this dumb holiday exist? Well, for that I did some research.

It didn't start out all bad of course. It was invented in 1921 by a group of candy makers who wanted to spread cheer and love and happiness to the poor unfortunate souls who live around here. That's fantastic, isn't it? And on that day they went and gave candy to orphans, the homeless, etc.

What a sweet things to do right? I certainly think so.

But of course, like many things in our society that are meant to spread good, it's dissolved, some how into another holiday that causes girls to be cynics, guys to be douche bags, and for couples to be lovey over.

I never fell into any of those categories. I don't even fall into the category of the girl who gets pissed at her boyfriend for forgetting the stupid holiday.

I fall into the category of "my boyfriend and I both think this holiday is so dumb that we're going to make a point to not do anything on it every year."

This is our second Sweetest Day together. He's working and I'm here, blogging about how stupid I think it is.

Mission accomplished.

Still, if you really think Sweetest Day is SO important and you feel the need to be a cynic or pissed off at your boyfriend, then happy Sweetest Day to you.

I'm gonna go do some dishes and find something more useful to do than remember that this holiday exist.

Fare thee well,
April

I'm A Writer, Trust Me and Team Jess Forever

Greetings!

Well, ugh! Just, ugh!

I have been without internet for far too long, but alas, I have it again...

So I guess the proper way to phrase that sentence would be to say "I had been with internet for far too long."

At least I hope that's right. I never learned too many fundamentals in school because I've been able to read since I was 4 so I know the basics instinctively (Like, I totally know I should've just typed out the word "four" instead of putting the number but whatever) but I still get hung on things when I'm writing which is bad being that I want to be a writer and all.

When I write blogs and journals and junk like that, I'm pretty bad. Because I'm just doing it for fun or to organize my thoughts (which never happens) I don't really care how it turns out, so I always wonder if people look at my blogs and then take into account the fact that I want to be a writer and then are appalled by how awful my writing is and think that I'm going nowhere fast (obviously, no one taught me about run on sentences either. Sheesh! Public schools I tell ya.)

But, let me be clear, when I sit down to write something that I hope to work on for six or seven drafts afterward, I'm not too shabby. No first draft is good (NaNoWriMo taught me that). But my first drafts are significantly better than anything I blog on the fly--I certainly hope you didn't think that I actually think about what I'm going to blog before I blog it. Usually I just get a feeling "April, blog. Now. Just go do it" and I do it. There's seriously no more thought in it than that. Sorry to disappoint you if you thought otherwise.

Moving right along, I've just moved. It's great. I'm slowly learning how to cook for myself and the most challenging part of that is trying to figure out to clean off the stove the next day after all the grease and crud is stuck on it. Challenging, especially since I have only a rag and just yesterday got suitable dish soap (why people use anything other than Dawn or Palmolive I'll never know).

In the meanwhile, I've been watching a lot of Gilmore Girls. I love Gilmore Girls and watching it has made me want to write nothing but fluff, fluff, and more fluff, which I don't mind but I'm sure everyone else who is used to me writing Science Fiction is kind of put off by it.

Anyway (and I've seriously been trying to get to this point since I started writing this blog!), it reminded me of BEDA and how I made a post dedicated to my favorite ships and Gilmore Girls reminded me of one I left out:

Rory and Jess!

Now, I tweeted about this earlier--Jess was always my favorite guy. Of all the guys Rory dated I loved him the most and I desperately wanted things to work out with them. I wanted them to be together forever and it breaks my heart that things didn't turn out that way. I mean, I liked Dean at the start. He was very tall and I like very tall guys so I thought "awesome go for it." But then, he got kind of clingy and slightly douchey and I was like, "Ugh, Dean. Go away." I think I stopped liking him after he told Rory he loved her.

And then Jess came to town. Can I just say how adorable young Milo Ventimiglia is? I love him so much and he's kind of a dick but he's supposed to be the bad boy so obviously he's supposed to be that way. But then Dean gets all defensive and territorial, which I get, I wouldn't want some cuter guy with better hair moving in on my lady either, but OMG, Dean, I have yet to meet a girl that's impressed by the whole "Me Tarzan. You Jane. Me protect you" bit. Ugh. Annoying.

Now, I have to say this, though I detest Dean, I felt bad for him. When Rory kissed Jess--totally not okay. And all of that flirting with another guy while you're with some other guy is not okay either. And I want to say "man up and grow some balls" but I know boys can be sensitive too. They have feelings. I know if I did something like that with my boyfriend he'd be upset (of course, that would never happen because I'm not a bad person like Rory).

And on that note, yes, Rory is a bad person. For leading Dean on, but for also leading Jess on. I've already discussed Dean, but not Jess, my favorite.When Rory went to New York to see Jess I thought that they'd get together there. But no. Then I prayed that after they kissed at Sookie's wedding that Rory was running off to break up with Dean because her heart was with Jess. But no. She went to Washington, D.C and continued to have a relationship with Dean to prove to herself that she didn't want Jess.

Stupid girl. That's like choosing Edward over Jacob (except you have better options).

And then when she gets back from D.C. and gets all pissy when Jess is with Shane (have I mentioned I hate Shane?). And then Jess says something totally justified--that she has no right to be angry about him being with some other girl. After all, she never wrote, she never called, never e-mailed, etc. She never showed any indication that she wanted to be with Jess after she ran off to D.C. AND she was (stupidly) still with Dean.

So Jess drove her mad until she got some sense (Oxymoron? Yes, but that's what happened).

Well, no that's a lie. That's not what happened. Jess drove Rory AND Dean mad until Dean realized he was obsolete and then Rory finally saw the light.

And then Jess and Rory began and it was wonderful and sadly short lived. Jess and Rory had their ups and downs because Jess was still figuring himself out which I'm sure is frustrating. In fact I know it's frustrating. I saw how frustrated everyone got when I dropped out of university to go to junior college. Good for me, upsetting and confusing for the rest of the population.

But Jess was a real person. He was so real and he loved Rory so much it drove him crazy. He loved her so much that he didn't want to let her down and that when he did he just couldn't face her. And while that is totally crummy of him to do, you could tell he loved her.

Because he knew Rory would stay with him through everything, but rather than drag her along down his path that seemed to go nowhere, he set her free to go to Yale and meet someone else, even though he loved her.

And that's why Jess is my favorite. When Rory couldn't say she loved Dean, he got mad and left her. And when Rory said no to Logan's proposal he got mad and left her.

Jess didn't want Rory to be with a failure so he left her so she also wouldn't be a failure.

Rory was right--Jess should've said he wasn't graduating and that he couldn't go to prom and that all this bad stuff was happening so they could work it out. It's not okay to run from your problems, Jess. Not okay. But, I still think it was admirable of him not to drag Rory down with him.

Before Jess, I liked Tristan. He was a tool, but there was a person underneath there somewhere.

I like Logan better than Dean but he seemed ritzier than someone I would've put Rory with. Logan's cool don't get me wrong, and when he proposed I had hoped she'd say yes but, alas.

And remember Marty? They never actually went out or anything but he was kind of okay. I liked him more than Dean but less than Logan. Marty acted like he was on his period a lot which was kind of really annoying.

Dean also acted like he was on his period a lot... I'm also irritated that he tried to steal Rory from Jess by trying to work his way up through the friend zone. And I know, that's EXACTLY what Jess did, but Jess did it better and by the time Dean did it, it's already been done.

My favorite Rory and Jess moment: When Rory had to fix that sprinkler that was broken when she was watering that guy's lawn and Jess came and helped her, but as soon as she told him Dean was coming, he broke it again so he could fix it for her instead. It was totally adorable. It would've only been cuter if he had kissed her on the cheek.

I only imagine that after the series ended, Rory ran into Jess somewhere on the campaign trail while she followed Obama around for her online news magazine. The two hit it off, realized they were still perfect for each other, especially since they're adults and no longer ruled completely by hormones, and spend all of eternity together.

Because I love Jess. Team Jess Forever.

I am such a loser and shouldn't be allowed internet access after midnight.

Fare the well,
April

New Blog Project!

Greetings!

So, I have decided, since we are nearing the return of my beloved Harry Potter movies that I am going to start a new blogging project based on the books!

As I said in my last post, I was reading Blogging Twilight and it's hilarity inspired me to do something similar.

So, I've decided to go through all seven books, chapter by chapter, and blog about them. And this is going to help me in a lot of ways I think and i it will probably amuse you:

• I will find new things that I missed the first few times I read the books
• I will face palm myself for missing those obvious things
• The books will make more sense
• And by that I mean I may come to finally understand completely why Harry is not a Horcrux.

As many times as I've read these books there are still times that I read and go "WTF" [like when you find out Sirius and Draco are related--I say it every time].

Anyway, I'll start as soon as I finish my paper and [hopefully] do at least a chapter a week.

Of course, November will roll around and I'll be in the middle of school, Harry Potter THE MOVIE and of course my beloved NaNoWriMo. During this time, all gloves are off. I doubt I'll blog but, whatever.

I realize that if I do this, it'll probably take me a few years to finish the whole series but I can dig it. It will give me something to do and it will make time feel like it's going a lot faster when I have a weekly routine.

In the meanwhile gotta get back to that paper.

Fare thee well,

April

BEDA 31: Goodbye BEDA

Greetings!

So today, is the last day of August. The last day of BEDA.

Originally I wanted to write some huge epic blog that summed up me into a single post.

There were going to be tears and applause and I was going to be lavished with compliments and people begging me to mother their children.

But, I simply do not have the strength.

My head hurts SO BAD. And I keep having strange dreams about Hamlet and Harry Potter together.

I'm just so tired and I don't have the ability to be deep right now.

But I do have this to say--BEDA has been fun. Blogging has been fun and I have an idea for what I want my next blogging project to be.

I want to read a chapter of a book a week and blog about my reaction to it. Yes, I was inspired by Blogging Twilight and it seems like it'll be fun!

I wish I'd thought about it before I started reading Pretty Little Liars because that would be perfect. So would  A Great and Terrible Beauty.

So if you have a good book series I could read chapter by chapter lemme know.

Fare thee well,
April

BEDA 30: Priorities and Anna and the French Kiss!

Greetings!

So, I've been reading Blogging Twilight and blogging and as a result, I've been neglecting my homework these past few days because I'm a bad person, but I today I wrote a list of things I need to do by Thursday. I'd like to share it with you:

• Finish Hamlet paper [You barely have a page left to write you bum!]
• Write your 7 page research paper [it's about Harry Potter. You're just slacking.]
• Actually clean room [stop quitting half way through]
• Drag Jjay to shoe store so he doesn't wear tennis shoes to your brother's wedding Saturday
• Finish a chapter of your WIP. You haven't done so in a long time.
• Decide what you're going to blog about once BEDA is over tomorrow.
• Mail your scholarship papers to your school [I hope you understand why this is important]

I'm pretty sure I can do all of these things. The hardest one will be the two papers which currently are keeping me from scheduling time at work because I'm so busy writing them. But my job is long and it is hard and even working one day running around [literally] for 10 hours put a lot of stress on my little body.

I'm not saying it's because I'm lazy [though that could be a contributing factor, like Ginny's nice skin and Dean's attractedness to her], but carrying around trays and walking around for 10 hours like a zombie scarping dishes, pouring water, serving food, cleaning up plates and glasses and maneuvering around rich drunk people all while trying not to pull a Tonks and stand on my own two feet is hard.

I know in this day and age a college degree will not guarantee a job, but I'm at least certain that it will guarantee that I don't have to work as a server for a catering company [or doing physical labor] for the rest of my life.

After working like that I sleep through the entire next day and I'm wiped the whole rest of the week, and by the time I recover I have to go back to work.

It doesn't help that I'm a condensed person. I have like no body fat and I don't each much food which I suspect means that I kind of burn more calories than my body has to spare. And it's not as if I can say "just eat more calories--duh", because that means to mean the same thing as "eat a package of bacon daily" and I'm sure that will just lead to health problems instead of more energy.

And I've also taken into account the fact that even if I only work on the weekend, when I start school in October and I'm having to dedicate my time and energy to studying and writing papers and I'm not going to be able to function with my heavy course load if I'm wiped out from work.

I don't want my school work to suffer because of work because work is far less important than school.

Ugh!! When I am done with school and off on my own I will be so happy. That way I can stop being a good person who values knowledge over money [curse you desire for higher education!]

In other fun news: Stephanie Perkins who is married to this awesome guy in this Wizard Wrock band I know called Gred and Forge just happens to be a young adult author with a book coming out soon. Maureen Johnson says the book is so good, you should date it and MJ is always right. Also if she's married to Gred and Forge you know that she's made of awesome anyway.

Anywho, she's have an ARC giveaway contest type thing and you should check it out. I've known about it for a while but I'm a loser and never got around to blogging about it... so now I am. Check it out! Today is your last day to enter.

And even if you don't win, you should buy her book. I finally have enough money to actually preorder it [which I've wanted to do for AGES] and I am thrilled about that.

And with that I go to start cracking away on my to-do list.

Fare thee well,

April

BEDA 29: Thank You

Greetings!

Well, BEDA is winding down folks. I think I'm gonna miss being forced to blog everyday. I liked the challenge and this has helped me learn to deal with a lot of the things I've been going through this past month without going crazy and kicking a baby like I've wanted to.

I didn't really want to use this blog as an outlet to bitch about how unfair things are or things that annoy me or about any of those things but, I think now that it's okay that I did.

I'm an introvert and I don't like to talk to people about what I'm feeling so I bottle things up inside so I don't come off rude as an asshole. It's not really healthy and I've addressed some of the side effects of this.

What I like about blogging like this, it's helping me find a healthy release for all the things I feel. If something at home bugs me or I see something on TV that grinds my gears, or even if a Twilight blog sparks me to just write about all the reasons why Jacob is better than Edward.

Basically, I'm glad that I found a way to tell people how I feel without being rude and without terrifying anyone by raising my voice.

Because apparently if I did that a lot of people would be freaked out.

Anyway, thanks for reading and sticking with me for the final days! Woo!

Fare thee well,
April

BEDA 28: This Was About Twilight... Then Things Went Awry

Greetings!

So, I've been reading the most amazing blog instead of doing homework. It's called Blogging Twilight and I found it on Sparknotes while I was trying to get ideas on how to get started describing Hamlet yesterday.

Essentially, this Daniel fellow is reading Twilight and giving his opinion on it chapter by chapter and it's hilarious! He has a funny little doodle to go with every blog and ends every chapter with a prediction of what he thinks will happen next.

Right now, he's working New Moon and here's what he wrote for his prediction at the end of chapter six:

Just as things are beginning to heat up between Bella and Jacob, Edward comes galloping into town on a white horse. He grabs Bella by the scruff of her neck and flings her onto his horse. Before charging away with the giddy, lovesick Bella, Edward looks back at Jacob and shouts, "Don't hate the player. Hate the game."

 Hilarious, right?

So, that thought in mind, my brain went to a very strange place. A place it doesn't usually go.

Team Edward vs. Team Jacob.

Now, thanks to Taylor Lautner and his Adonis of man type body, I've always been a Team Jacob kind of a girl. But then another thought occurred to me.

Why is Bella so freaking stupid in New Moon.

Okay, I think Bella's stupid like all the time, but don't get me wrong, when she's all upset and heartbroken over Edward even if she didn't want to hook up with Jacob [but why wouldn't you? I mean, hello, one of the main reasons my boyfriend is awesome is because he radiates heat (I'm aware of how shallow that sounded and I wasn't being serious)] why would she go back to Edward.

Like, he breaks your heart, leaves you lie cold alone in the rain in the middle of the forest, let's you fall into a deep dark hole of depression and engage in unhealthy and unsafe activities and then when he thinks you're dead he tries to call by phone to fact check and then goes to kill himself when a boy who never liked him answers the phone and then it becomes your responsibility to drop everything and save him?

No. Hell no.

Fuck that.

I don't care how glittery or gorgeous he is or how many songs he writes for me on the piano.

Hell no I wouldn't go back to him. Sure, do the right thing, don't let the boy kill himself. But then you're like "I'm alive, but you're an asshole so I'm gonna go home to my gorgeous werewolf boyfriend and bake cookies on his chest. And if things with Jacob don't work out I can go always go hook up with Mike because he always liked me better than Jessica anyway."

And then you'd ride off into the Italian sunset with Jacob and his motorcycle. How did Jacob get to Italy? He has a jetpack [all werewolves do according to Dan in Blogging Twilight].

You don't go back to someone who made you miserable. Who left you to be miserable.

No! No! No! No! No!

And the whole reason they left in the first place was dumb too. "OMG! Jasper's a baby and isn't used to blood. If Bella cuts her finger again shit is goin' down. Let's roll out Cullens."

Again. No.

You leave Jasper in his room until he grows up enough to handle being around a paper cut, because he's a baby. You don't let them be around grown up situations until they can handle grown up situation because that's how you handle babies.

If your baby is so out of control that you have to relocate, reevaluate your parenting skills.

Jacob on the other hand is nice. He rides motorcycle and jumps of cliff and turns into something you can pet. You can also ride Jacob if you want [that's what she said]. Plus, he's warm. He's toasty. Which I suspect comes in handy if you live in a cold, miserable place like Forks, Washington. AND if you're really, really, really, that eager to get laid Bella, I'm sure Jacob is more than willing to put out [because most 16-year-old boys probably are]. And it probably won't feel like you're shoving an eternally cold piece of limestone up your va-jay-jay [which is probably what it's like with Edward].

AND THEN when Bella went so far as to go and get married to Edward and actually end up impregnated with his demon child [somehow] that is eating you alive from the inside out, in exchange for getting rid of the demon child monster you get a free pass to bone Jacob who is more than willing to let you use him.

In that situation you don't say "No."

You can only say yes because:

A) Free pass to bone Jacob AND keep Edward. It's all you ever dreamed of!

 or

B) Because Edward would seriously rather you sleep with some other guy than have his child, you probably don't want to be with him anyway, so you sleep with Jacob to spite Edward and you keep Jacob.

Booyah.

I don't like Bella because she's an idiot.

I don't like Edward because he's a pushover pansy.

Sometimes I don't even like Jacob because he's always all "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME!?!"

But all Jacob wants is love. Edward wants to stalk you and watch you sleep and abort your unborn child.

Jacob just wants to love you and you to love him in return and have children that aren't going to kill you and basically be all the good things a man should be.

Also, he has a jetpack.

But seriously, I don't see the Edward appeal.

Now, if Twilight were about WIZARDS and Edward were Cedric Diggory THEN that's a hippogriff of  a different color. Of course, Cedric, my fellow Hufflepuff, wouldn't even give a second thought about Bella because she's whiny and clingy and selfish and only likes to complain. And while Hufflepuff are like that sometimes (a lot of the time) Cedric is our best Hufflepuff and definitely do better than her psychotic ass.

Random thought, is it just me or does Cho Chang remind you of Trixie Tang from Fairly Odd Parents or is that just me.

I digress, being Team Edward baffles me. Being Bella Swan baffles me. I wonder how it feels to wake up everyday and live in a constant haze of stupidity like she does.

Ugh! She's awful. I detest her.The only character I hate more than her in any book is probably Pansy Parkinson--but at least Pansy knows what she wants, even if she's an annoying little twit.

I've run out of things to say. In conclusion:

• Jacob is better looking.
• Jacob is more temperature appropriate.
• Jacob is not an asshole, nor is he a pansy.
• Jacob rides motorcycle.
• If you get a paper cut, Edward will skip town because he can't take the pressure.

The choice is yours ladies. Be better than Bella.

Fare thee well,

April

BEDA 26: HOMEWORK

Greetings!

So, back in June I started taking a summer English class and for the two weeks I was in it, it was awesome. however, two weeks into the class, my boyfriend's brother ended up getting shot while trying to stop a mugging and was in the hospital.

Terrifying. Scary.

Life stopped in our house and I was the only one home.

Anyway, since my boyfriend was my ride to school I obviously wasn't going to be able to make it to my class anymore since he was at the hospital with his brother. So my professor, the understanding man that he was, gave me an incomplete and told me to finish my last two assignments y September 15.

Well, my *sexy goats, my boyfriend's brother is home [though he is paralyzed from the waste down now which is obviously more than notsome] and the time is fast approaching for me to finish these assignments.

Today I'm working on assignment one: a paper about Hamlet. It's supposed to be an analysis of some sort and I'm [unintentionally] analyzing Hamlet's stupidity. It was a simple character analysis, but I just can't stop pointing out how Hamlet could've better murdered his uncle and how he's acting like a pissed of teenager, or more accurately, like Draco Malfoy.

Yep. Draco Malfoy is Hamlet reincarnated.

With that, I must get back to my paper.

Fare thee well,
April

*Yes, Sexy Goats. Craig Ferguson called his audience that once and I've now adopted it because I think he's awesome.

BEDA 25: Rest in Awesome, Esther Earl

Greetings!

Today I woke up wanting to rant and complain and bitch and moan in writing since I never do it in real life.

Rest in Awesome, Esther

But then I learned the heartbreaking news that the shining star that is Esther Earl passed away very early this morning.

I didn't learn of Esther until very recently and I didn't know her personally, but I do know that she was a Gryffindor and is probably the bravest person I'll ever know of for all the things she went through.

I know that she always wanted people to never waste a moment telling someone you love how much you love them.

Esther moved thousands to vote for the Harry Potter Alliance in the Chase Community Giving competition.

I may not know a whole lot about Esther or any of the wonderful and magical things she did or believed, but I know there was something special about her if she managed to move an entire group of people, most of whom she never knew or even met, to do wonderful things for other people.

I didn't know you Esther, but I will remember you and continue to love people everyday for you.

Everyone in Nerdfighteria is still with you and you are still with all of us.

Rest in awesome, Esther.

Love,
April

BEDA 24: Inferior, Superior, and STFU Please

Greetings!

I know I didn't blog yesterday, but I was sick. I hope you can forgive me. I am recovering today! I am dehydrated but hopeful that all this water and Gatorade I'm drinking will replenish my fluids and help to settle my stomach... and dizziness.

Anyway, I've been having this issue lately that goes all the way back to me having some of the worst self-esteem issues in existence.

A lot of the time, I feel like, inside of me, I have a constant battle raging between an inferiority and a superiority complex.

When I'm with my friends or doing something that involves me interacting with other people things will go one of two ways.

For starters, we'll be talking about something like, politics or something to that effect--something I know essentially nothing about. However, everyone around me will be talking about it and I'll have pretty much no idea what's going on.

I've always considered that some people are so good at bullshitting that they sound like they know what they're talking about even if they don't, but seeing as how I know nothing about the subject I can't exactly tell.

This leads me to shrink away from the conversation and listen. Occasionally I'll nod or laugh when appropriate but essentially I'll be smiling because I have no idea what's going on.

And do you know how awful it makes feel to think that I don't know much about anything, when I have to sit there and consider the fact that even though I'm generally regarded as an intelligent person, that I may actually be the stupid one in the room? It makes me feel stupid or inferior and I hate feeling that way. Who wouldn't?

But there's another side to me; there's the pompous, I'm better than you, I know everything and you know nothing April. How can one person goes from one extreme to another--it's not all that hard.

Let's pretend for a moment that you are listening to a conversation that you know a lot about but simply don't care to be involved in because the people holding the conversation have no idea what they're talking about.

For example, let's say I was listening to a bunch of crazies talk about Harry Potter talks about the worship of Satan. I could go on all day about how the main theme in Harry Potter is love and after extensive rereads of each of the books I'm pretty sure the worship of Satan isn't mentioned anywhere in it, but you know they wouldn't listen.

I don't want to say these people are stupid--

Okay, I do want to say they're stupid but I won't because it's not nice. Would you like it if someone called you stupid? Nope. So I won't do it either.

But I really want to! Because they sit there and they'll talk about how *Harry Potter is just an allegory for Satan and that Ron and Hermione are his two demon henchmen and I know they're so, so, so, so wrong. I want to shout from the top of my lungs "Hey, you guys are a bunch of F#cking idiots!" but they'd only reply "You're a f#cking idiot for reading Harry Potter and I hope you go straight to hell."

And talk to people who seem to be less intelligent than I am is like talking to a brick wall, so I don't talk to them at all because I don't want to be an asshole nor do I want to talk to a brick wall that can only utter absurdities to me.

So instead of trying to find a proper path of communication to get a point across to them I don't speak to them at all and I look down on them because I feel superior to them.

It's not good to feel inferior to people and it's not good to feel superior either.

It's obvious why anyone would hate feeling inferior, but it probably feels good to be better than other people right?

Wrong. I hate that feeling of looking down on people and suggesting that I'm smarter than them. I feel so guilty. And I know that in some cases I am probably more intelligent [at least common sense wise] than a fa ir few people but does that really give me the right to look at someone and say "you're stupid and I'm not and that makes me better than you."

And what really grinds my gears is that people in positions of authority like your boss, a parent, a teacher or whoever likes to suggest that they're smarter than you and better than you just because they have authority over you when you feel deep down in the pit of your stomach "If you didn't have the power to make my life miserable I would tell you off, show you that you're wrong and make you shut the f#ck up!"

But you don't do that. Some people do that and they end up losing their job or getting kicked out of their house or getting a bad mark on their paper. I grin and bear it because I know [or at least hope with all the hope I can muster] that this too shall pass.

I guess the one thing that above all others makes me angry, that makes me want to kick a field goal with a puppy is when people say something ignorant and I can't do anything about it because I either can't or simply because I'm just not the kind of person.

And you know what else? When people write things off as stupid when you feel really really passionate about it. Like I love watching The Universe and How the Earth Was Made because I am a total space nerd and I love outer space! But let it be on TV and it will only take three seconds for someone to say "turn that stupid shit off." Do you even know what you're calling stupid? Do you even have a general idea of how the earth can exist inside of this vast nothingness and you're calling it stupid? Even if you don't did even occur to you that I am completely enchanted by this great big universe and you're calling it stupid? Have you no soul that other people care about?

And let someone call Harry Potter stupid. That is something that I will go off about every time.

But I digress, I won't call you stupid or look down on you for disagreeing with me because I know how to agree to disagree and respectfully disagree because there's a whole section about disagreements in my brain's General Book of Manners.

Post-middle school, I don't recall disagreeing with someone and raising my voice. Screaming at someone isn't going to get your point across. It may, however, make people tune you out or piss them off or both. And if people scream at me I do tune the out. Can't you calmly and quietly get your point across to me without yelling at me? Last I checked I wasn't def and, I don't mean to toot my own horn but, I'm a damn good listener.

I look at it this way when you scream at me: Sometimes when people talk really, really loud, it's because they want to sound more intelligent than they actually are.

And that brings us back to me feeling superior and then guilty.

Now that I've completely gone off topic I'm going to go back to sleep and pray that all the fluids I've consumed thus far today start to kick in at some point.

Fare thee well,
April

*I've never actually heard someone say this about Harry and his friends, I'm just using it as an example to get my point across.

BEDA 22: Yawn

Greetings!

So I woke up this morning feeling like crap, went back to sleep in the hopes of feeling better, but woke up feeling worse.

My sinuses are made of failure.

Anyway, at least when I woke up THE GOONIES was on. I haven't seen The Goonies since I was 12. Then Harry Potter came on so I felt better for that.

[Jjay says Hello!]

ALSO! He got a bearded dragon today and it needs a name. Any suggestions?

I suggested Norbert but clearly only me and Hagrid like that name =)

Fare thee well,
April

BEDA 21:

Greetings!

I am tired. I sat in a car for 3 1/2 hours to drive home from Dayton today.

I didn't sleep well last night.

I am exhausted.

Also, I didn't blog yesterday so I am sad about that.

I am going to sleep.

Fare the well,
April

BEDA 19: Free Movie

Greetings!

So, currently I'm sitting in the theater waiting to see The Last Exorcism--FOR FREE!!

Anyway, I was first in line to see it, got first pick of seats and before I came to see it, I had time to buy a copy of Deathly Hallows--Bloomsburry edition.

To quote Ice Cube "It was a good day."

Karma may cause tomorrow to suck but today was real nice.

Huzzah.

Fare thee well,
April

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BEDA 18: RelationSHIPS, not Boats

Greetings!

So, I have the honor of being a bridesmaid for my brother's wedding on the 4th of September. I'm really excited to have a sister-in-law [especially since she's so amazing] and I'm really happy for my big brother to be tying the knot.

All this talk of love and marriage and happiness has made me think though--what are my favorite ships?

I know, what you're thinking, "Your brother's wedding reminds you of ships?" Yes it does. And I don't means ships as in the Titanic type I mean ships as in relationships or pairings.

So here are a few of my favorites:

Tonks and Remus [Harry Potter]: This is probably my favorite pairing of all time. When I read Half-Blood Prince and all those feelings came out I was like "OMG! YES! APRIL APPROVES!" I mean, after that I wanted to roundhouse kick him for being an idiot [and don't get me started on how infuriated I was at him at the beginning of Deathly Hallows] but I was so thrilled. Since then I've dedicated countless hours [perhaps too many] to reading and writing Tonks and Lupin fanfiction.

Kuwabara and Yukina [Yu-Yu Hakusho]: This relationship is pretty one sided on Kuwabara's part, but it's still totally adorable. Yukina is always so light hearted and bubbly and Kuwabara is always so serious and overly loving to her. At times you sense that she returns his feelings and other times you just hear her say "Gee, he's so nice for a human." Still, Kuwabara's hopeless devotion to her makes my heart sing.

Rukia and Renji [Bleach]: After seeing their story I desperately want them to end up together. Renji is clearly mad about her and is always excited to be around her and be with her. Rukia [from what I've seen] probably has feelings for Renji but is always so caught up in what Ichigo is doing that she's not really to concerned about what she feels for him, or anyone else for that matter.

Edward and Winry [Fullmetal Alchemist]: First of all, if you read Edward and thought it was going to be followed with "Bella" then shame on you for not knowing me at all. I like this ship because they're both such hard asses who don't exactly know they care about each other but they do know, you know? Like, sometimes they do something so outstandingly kind or, in Ed's case usually, dangerous, that they surprise each other with how much they care about each other and that's sweet.

Clio and Spencer [Girl at Sea/Suite Scarlett Series respectively]: I know, these two characters don't even know each other in real life but thanks to Twitter they're totes the best thing ever, and Twitter ships totally count.

Goku and Chichi [Dragon Ball]: Yes, I'm talking about Goku and Chichi in DRAGON BALL before the show turned into DBZ and stopped being light hearted and fun and became action packed [which isn't a bad thing]. Goku and Chichi as a bunch of 10 year old, thinking that marriage was a type of food, pretty adorable. And how Chichi got so mad when they grew up and she thought he forgot about her that she wanted to beat him up in the World Martial Arts tournament [which obviously wasn't going to happen--I mean, it's Goku], but Goku DID remember her and STILL loved her. Sure, he ended up being a horrible husband but hey were awesome.

Well... I can't think of anymore, but those are MY FAVORITE! You know aside from "Jazdele" and "Montachez" which will only make sense to six people involved in the joke [Including "Japril"!].

Anyway, see ya'll later!

Fare thee well,
April!

And Jjay says hi! <3

BEDA 17: Mufasa, Mufasa, Mufasa

Greetings!

I have nothing to talk about.

Uhm... Pretty Little Liars is off season which is sad.

I start school in October. Awesome.

I'm going to start rereading Harry Potter.

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts--deedle lee dee--there they are all standing in the road. Big ones. Small ones. Some as big as your head...


Wow, I haven't watch The Lion King in YEARS. I love that movie.

Anyway, I'm going to go finish reading "Gods Behaving Badly" so I can read "Flawless" and start on the rest of my library books so I can read Harry Potter.

Le Sigh.

Fare Thee Well
April

BEDA 16: College, My Future, and Idiots. Boy, Do I Detest Idiots

I get kind of vulgar in this post but, it's just because I'm being very passionate. Excuse my language.

Greetings!

There are lots of things I hate about college. Going in general. The way some teachers grade. The fact that not all of the classes are based on your opinion. The fact that I have to take math in general. I wish I could just do tons and tons of independent research and study what I want and learn what I want and just be happy with that.

But NO. That's not how college works. And the whole core curriculum thing does kind of broaden your horizons and let you learn more about stuff you don't necessarily care for and all that nonsense.

And while I should just go on about how college is a great learning experience I wish every day that I did not have to go.

Why? Because, despite being an institute of higher education a lot of the people who seem to work for these places are complete idiots.

I know, that doesn't make sense but it's true.

When tiny, quiet, "why-don't-you-ever-get-angry" April, almost screams at a lady in the business office, you know things are kind of crazy. Kind of like how when Molly Weasley went around killing people in Deathly Hallows you knew shit was serious.

What happened you might ask?

Well, here's the deal. Last fall I was attending John Carroll University. A fantastic school in Cleveland and everyone loves it and a bunch of famous people went there [not that I know too many of them] and everyone was so excited that I got a full ride.

Now, this would be awesome, except I didn't like it. But here's why: My high school, which made promises that it didn't keep basically, is apart of this great network of schools called the "Cristo Rey Network." For those of you who've never heard of the Cristo Rey schools basically it's a school exclusively for under privileged kids in urban communities who don't make a lot of money and can't afford to go to good schools. Once a week every student in the school goes out to a job site to work for the day and that pays your tuition and you get some real life job experience.

I give my school kudos for that. Plus, if you worked at your job over breaks and stuff you got to keep the money. I did that once. It was awesome.

Now, for four years, I worked at John Carroll University. I loved working at JCU. I had the same supervisor all four years. I love her. I met her sons. We'd hang out and go to lunch sometimes it was great. I worked in the alumni office for two years [it was pretty... okay] and the last two years there I worked in the community service office and that was the best place ever.

Now when I finished high school I got full rides to two schools and being of limited means I obviously had to go to one of them. Eastern Michigan University or John Carroll.

Now, EMU is a great school on paper but when I visited it I HATED the campus and I'd pretty much already lived in a place I hated for 18 years so I opted for John Carroll which I knew like the back of my hand already and I'd have a work study job lined up where I'd worked for 4 years and all that jazz.

So, I start school there and I get a roommate who likes to party and she had really good taste in healthy snacks. We existed around each other but she was cool. And I made other friends and my classes were great and I loved going to work and junk but day after day after day of going to the same place I'd been going to once a week for four years was slowly tearing my mind into little pieces of insanity.

Also, my advisor was an idiot. Like, I had this psychotic Religious Studies teacher and I needed to drop her class and it took him literally 3 Weeks for him to remove me from it because he thought I should take it.

Word to the wise: When the rest of the campus is telling you that your professor is a woman who goes crazy because of her tenure and is a lunatic [even STAFF MEMBERS told me] you listen. My advisor did not.

Anyway...

I got to the point where there was one week where I went to only ONE DAY of my classes because I was losing my mind. I'd already given JCU four years of my life. Four more years and it would be like they owned my soul. I felt trapped and crazy and like I was still in high school because it was just like high school. I associated everything there with high school and I hated it.

So, for my own sanity, I dropped out and decided to go to Cuyahoga Community College while I figured out exactly what I wanted to do to my life.

I got hit with a lot of shit for this decision. My high school principal was appalled that I turned down my scholarship to got Tri-C. It was almost like the money they were giving to go to John Carroll was worth my sanity.

And it's not. I'd rather be sane going to a mediocre school than being miserable and slowly going crazy because people are giving me money.

I have my priorities in order thank you very much and money doesn't top my list. I cannot be bought.

While I was at John Carroll I had to do work-study which meant basically I worked two days a week and that paid off the small amount of tuition that I had [it was like $600]. Now, every two weeks I wrote John Carroll a check consisting of all the money I made doing work study and one week I got sick and after I got out of classes I left campus to go home and be ill instead of paying them when I had like $200 left to pay them.

So, Monday when I get back on campus and am feeling better I get a call:

JCU: "Uh, you didn't pay us this week. Pay us or we'll put a hold on your account."

Me: "I was sick. I went home after I got paid. Excuse me for valuing my health over the money I was going to give you. I'll pay you next week when I get paid again."

JCU: "You won't be able to register for classes if your balance is over $200."

Me: "Well, seeing as how I'm transferring at the end of the semester and that my next pay check will pay off my debt to you people, I'm not too concerned about it."

JCU: "We won't send out your transcripts if you don't pay us!!!"

Me: "Then it's a good thing that MY NEXT CHECK WILL PAY OFF MY DEBT TO YOU PEOPLE SO I'M NOT TOO CONCERNED ABOUT IT, or did you miss me say that the first time."

Do people not listen when I talk? Does every thing I say go in one ear and out the other? How do I give you a legit explanation of my circumstances and you completely miss everything?

So I was happy to leave John Carroll and it's business office that likes to ignore everything you say and I went to Tri-C.

Now, Tri-C seemed nice at  first, but then my friends this semester happened and I'm just about fed up with this school too. I mean, at this point I've already decided what the next step in my life will be so that's awesome because it includes going back to a 4-year institute [my mommas alma mater for that matter--it's not like they take money off your tuition if you're a legacy student with good grades or anything... Except that they totally do] and leaving Tri-C but these past two weeks makes me want to just wait it out and wait to go to Cleveland State University next fall and just screw this school for now.

But no, I'm going to keep going to school like the good girl I am.

But I digress, two weeks ago I went up to Tri-C to ask if the balance I have left on my account from the summer could be combined with my balance from the fall so they could take the hold off my account and I could register for classes. Sounds reasonable especially since I have a stupid amount of money left over anyway.

And it is reasonable because they said "Yes, April. That is fine. We will do that."

I ignored the fact that I had to wait in line AN HOUR because the FINANCIAL AID office had ONE PERSON working there but literally FIFTY PEOPLE waiting to see them because everything was going to work out...

Or so I thought and I should stop expecting things to go right in my life as far as school is concerned because they're not going to. Everyone person I meet is going to be an idiot.

It's two weeks later and the hold was still on my account. Now, I go figure there must be some misunderstanding someone just forgot to click a little button and take the hold off, so I go visit and I tell them this whole story of how I was there two weeks ago to get a hold off my account and they said okay but it's still there.

Now, excuse me for thinking they could just clear up this little mess with a click of a button and poof I'd magically be able to register again but, no. That is not the story of my life.

The story of my life is that woman I spoke to said "we need that in writing from the financial aid office on this particular little pink sheet of paper."

"Aha!" I say, "But I did get it in writing from the financial aid office on that particular sheet of pink paper two weeks ago when I was here originally."

"Do you remember the exact day you were here?"

"Uh, no."

"Who did you talk to?"

"Some Asian woman I think."

"Well, we're too lazy to go and look for it ourselves so you're going to to need to wait in the epicly long line at financial aid and have them sign this particular sheet of pink paper for you again."

"FUCK. YOU."

I was so mad I was ready to leave. Luckily, I was convinced by ever wonderful boyfriend that it would be irrational to leave because I'd have to come back anyway.

So, I wait in line at Fin Aid forever and get inside the office finally where they, without a problem write on the pink sheet of paper that my financial aid will cover my old balance and to please remove the hold.

Awesome. I felt better already. UNTIL, that is, I go back to the business office and the woman is GONE!!!

She told me that I wouldn't have to wait in line again and to just bring it to her when I got back and she'd clear it all up.

AND SHE WAS GONE!

At this point I felt like screaming. Like walking up to the window and swearing loudly about kicking a goat and punching a baby and eating their souls for making things 100 TIMES MORE DIFFICULT THAN THEY NEEDED TO BE.

I wait for about 10 minutes before she shows back up to take the hold off my account.

So, that is how my day was and why I currently hate school.

The only reason I'm even going to school is because my determination to be a author outweighs my unwillingness to deal with idiots and while I could very well write without going to college, I happen to know that it will open all kinds of new experiences for me and new experiences are good when you're a writer.

I have no safety net. No other aspirations and some people would view that as lunacy but they also viewed me leaving John Carroll as lunacy and I'm doing awesome now aren't I? I'm aware becoming a successful writer is more complicated than that but I feel like having a back up plan would be like giving myself permission to fail and I will NOT accept failure.

Maybe one day I'll change my mind, getting a teaching license and teach English as a back up plan, but until I'm going to continue to deal with idiots and be one of those lunatics who aspires to do something completely outrageous.

And when I succeed and people who doubted me tell me how proud they are but how stupid I was I'll say,
"Yeah, but I did it didn't I? So suck my imaginary balls."

I won't be satisfied with a back up plan. If I'm 95 years old and unpublished I'll still be happy because I didn't quit. I didn't settle.

I've never settled for anything and I don't ever want to.

I didn't settled for John Carroll or that boy who liked to write poetry about me when I was in 9th grade.

It may take me a while to get to where I'm going but I'm going to get there. My whole life I've been overlooked because I didn't get straight A's, I was Editor-In-Chief of a newspaper no one wanted to read, I listed Harry Potter as my favorite books and genre of music, and I've always just been nice and "nice guys finish last."

And you know what I say to that? Fuck that.

Whoever said nice guys finish last can blow me. I've been the little, quiet, stepped on kid for too long. I've decided I'm going to be Neville Longbottom the BAMF from Deathly Hallows who basically told Voldemort to go to hell and lived to tell the tale.

And I'm sure that's much more difficult to do than being published. I mean if someone told me my only two options in life were to either tell Voldemort to go to hell or tell me to write books for the rest of my life, I'd definitely write books instead.

And you would too, cause I'm sure you don't want to be Avada Kedavraed.

Fare thee well,
April

BEDA 15: Snooze

Greetings!

I love having a job, even if it is chaotic and crazy and unorganized and complete lunacy.

As long as I get a paycheck, I'm happy.

What I don't like, however is being so exhausted that I sleep the whole day away... Like today.

And I'm probably going to go back to sleep right now, wake up in an hour to eat and then sleep again because I am that tired.

Ugh...

Fare thee well,
April

BEDA 14: A Story!

Greetings!

Since I have to work today and have no time to actually write an entire blog, I'd like to instead share a short story I wrote you guys!

Booyah!

Giraffes

We walked in through the sliding doors of the Wal-Mart. The floors were muddy in the antechamber of the store. Dirty carpets littered the entrance and random blue carts crowded us as we pushed through the main entrance.

A little, old lady, standing steady on a cane held out a yellow sticker with Wal-Mart’s customary smiley face.

“Welcome to Wal-Mart,” she said, her voice trembling.

Alison flipped her blonde hair back and took the sticker graciously.

“Stickers are so much fun,” she said as we walked on. Alison towered over little Taryn. She was small, her tight brown curls danced and bounced as she glided through the store gracefully. Every time I saw Taryn, I smiled on the inside. Being around her energized me.

The purpose of our excursion to Wal-Mart was so Alison, my oldest childhood friend, and Taryn, my new next door neighbor and friend, could meet. It was going to be fun I thought.

As we walked up to a shelf of books, Taryn squealed with delight. She grabbed my arm tightly, hugging it almost. We hadn’t known each other long, but I was really comfortable being around her. I didn’t mind her being so close and invading my personal space – I welcomed it even.

“John Green!” Taryn said, finally. She released me and walked over to the shelf picking up a copy of Looking for Alaska. “I love this book and I love John Green.”

“One of the Vlog Brothers?” Alison asked.

“You know them?” I asked. Alison was the last person I expected to be hip to YouTube vlogs. Especially the Vlog Brothers, who were famous just for being nerds and having a cult following of nerds – Like Taryn and me.

Alison shrugged. “Yeah, they’re alright,” she said dismissively. “I watched them on National Coming Out Day and it kinda turned me off though.”

“Why? Isn’t it so cool how they talk about people loving people? I think so,” Taryn said with a smile.

Alison cringed. “Well, what do you think, Olivia?”

“Uh, well, you know, I like Hank and John Green,” I said, changing the subject. Taryn being who she was and Alison being who she was gave me good reason to do so.

“What’s wrong with people loving people?” Taryn asked, more seriously this time.

“Nothing as long as guys like girls and vice versa,” Alison said. We moved out of the book aisle and I prayed that we’d left the issue there with the paperbacks.

“Why?” Taryn asked.

We’d wandered into the toy aisle where stuffed animals lined the walls. I picked up a stuffed penguin from the shelf and felt its soft fur as Taryn and Alison went on.

“Because, it’s not natural,” Alison said. “And what does it matter anyway?”

Taryn pulled her hair back to reveal big, hoop, rainbow earrings which she affectionately called her gay pride earrings.

“Oh,” Alison said, looking at Taryn with disgust in her eyes.

Taryn stood next to me, a scowl gracing her pretty face, her crystal blue eyes narrowed angrily on Alison.

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay,” Taryn said.

“It’s weird. It doesn’t work,” Alison said. “Right, Olivia?”

There it was – the one question I didn’t want directed at me.

I sat the penguin back on its shelf and took a few steps away from both of my friends, thinking seriously.

I looked at Alison. I’d known her since we were grade school. Her friendship meant the world to me. She’d always been there for me and there wasn’t a thing in the world we couldn’t talk about.

I shifted my glance toward Taryn. She’d only just moved in next door in August, but she knew and understood me completely. She was smart, funny, honest, beautiful and I couldn’t imagine what I would ever do without her. It was a painful thought that I might not be able to be close to her one day.

I looked up in front of me and saw two happy looking giraffes. Now was the time for me to get it together and to be perfectly honest about what I thought. I grabbed the giraffes off the shelf and held them out in front of Alison’s face.

“What?” Alison asked, staring at the two fuzzy characters I’d placed in front of her.

“This is me,” I said shaking one giraffe, “a giraffe. And this is Taryn, another giraffes and there is nothing wrong with giraffes loving giraffes. I’m a giraffe who loves a giraffe, Alison.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked.

“Giraffes love giraffes. People love people and it’s okay,” I said.

“Olivia. . . What are you saying?” Alison asked.

“She’s a lesbian, Alison,” Taryn said, gently, almost in a whisper.

Alison stared back at me and I nodded.

“And even if I weren’t, I’d still think it were okay,” I said.

Alison shook her head and started to walk away. I felt helpless for a moment, until Taryn ushered me to go after her.

I dashed off, pushing past little kids as I went out of the toy aisle to the front of the store at the checkout.

“Alison, come on,” I said putting my hand on her shoulder after I caught up to her.

She quickly spun around, blinding me in a flurry of blonde locks.

“No! What?!” she asked. “Taryn moves in next door and you suddenly become gay? Are you serious?”

I hung my head down a bit. I’d never heard her yell at me before. A knot was forming in my chest. My best friend hated me. Patrons walking past with their children and friends stared in wonder as she yelled.

“I always have been. . . I just. . . I never said anything,” I said.

Alison shook her head again, trying to shake away my confession. She went back to the antechamber.

“Alison, you’re my best friend. You can’t hate me. Not for this. You can’t hate me because of the people I care about,” I pleaded.

Alison didn’t turn around to me. She stared through the giant glass windows and shook her head. “Goodbye, Olivia.”

She walked through the sliding doors, not bothering to stop or look back.

I felt tears rushing to my eyes. I felt abandoned.

Then a warm hand wrapped around mine. I looked over to see Taryn, giving me an encouraging smile. Without even saying a word, she told me it would be okay.

Fare thee well,

April

BEDA 13: Friends and Awkward Stuff and Yay

Greetings!


Friends are awesome.

They are awesome to sit around and have awkward conversations with.

Friends are awesome because you learn they have "underwear and bank statements drawer."

You can talk about... Awkward stuff.

I don't get to see my friends too often since we graduated from high school and when I do get to see them I love being around them.

You learn things like library's have a lot of yaoi manga in them.

We watch things like "Trans American" and "Clue" because those things totally go together.

We watch the shake weight commercial which is hilarious.

We talk about sex toy sales at Oberlin and Sweeney Todd and Harry Potter/Yu-Yu Hakusho cross over fanfiction.

Even though my friends are weird and we talk about weird things and occasionally throw ourselves nto awkward situations but that's the ind of friends I have.

Even though some of them prefer Macs to PCs [I'm a PC] I love them.

Pretty much none of this made any sense and probably just made most of you confused and maybe disgusted, but I pretty much wrote this on a whim [on a Mac, ewe] so I coul keep up with BEDA because I am determined.

So, booyah.

Fare thee well,
April

BEDA 12: My 3 Favorite Books and My Life

Greetings!

I haven't read many books, but I'm really good at giving off the illusion that I have read a lot of books.

Thanks to Twitter, I have made a really, really long list of books I want to read and I've read a lot of awesome books as well.

But even though I've read some really awesome books my three favorite books are books I loved before Twitter.

The first is Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Pretty much everyone can appreciate the Harry Potter books for having an awesome story line and for being so well written and researched. If I could be a quarter as amazing as Jo Rowling I would be a MUCH better writer than I am now. Anyway, aside from how the books are written there are two reason why OotP is my favorite Harry Potter book.

Firstly, it's the last book where ALL of my favorite characters are still alive. How Jo managed to successfully kill off all but ONE of them is a stupendous feat of brilliance and torture.

Secondly, I totally lived that book. When I was 15, I was angsty, I was angry, I was in a constant state of discombobulation and I wanted to hit everyone in the face for pretty much no reason--just like Harry Potter. I didn't have a dark wizard stalking my dreams and I wasn't some pretty Asian girl's rebound after I watched her boyfriend die, but I felt like everyone around me was behaving stupidly and secretively and creating unnecessary drama and it drove me mad.

Remember CAPS LOCK HARRY-- yeah, there was a CAPS LOCK APRIL [oddly enough, I typed all of that while holding the "shift" key]. Harry got angry and tore up all the shit in Dumbledore's office. I threw a bottle at my little brother and busted a hole [yes, a clean hole] through his lip. Just like Harry isn't proud of destroying Dumbledore's office, I'm not particularly proud of busting a hole in my brother's lip.

Unlike Harry, I went through six months of stree and anger management to deal with my issues and fortunately no one close to me had to die for me to get my act together.

The point I'm trying to make here is that being 15 was the worst age I could ever possibly be and after reading all of the Harry Potter books, I'd have to say that if you look at Harry from the perspective of him being a normal 15 year old, it was probably the most stressful for him [though running around the forest for months when he was 17 and having your best friend lose their mind was probably pretty awful too--but that's from the stand point of being the "Chosen One].

The second book I love with all my heart and soul is The Giver. A lot of kids in my school could careless for this book because it was summer reading before 10th grade but I loved that book. I read that book in a day because I was so enthralled with it.

And then it touched on my favorite thing ever--the power of love.

In the book the word "love" meant pretty much nothing. You used the word love in situations like "I love these potatoes." But the boy [the main character whose name escapes me. Jonas? Or was that his best friend? I am crap at names.] was obviously able to experience the feeling of love and even though love could lead you do some pretty stupid and sometimes awful things, he though their "perfect" society needed it because everyone needed to feel how amazing and awesome and wonderful the power of love was.

Freaking. Awesome.

It made you question whether or not sacrificing all those things was worth it to have a world without violence and crime and poverty if it also meant having a world without love.

And my third favorite was... Are You There God? It's Me Margaret. I know what you're thinking "What are you 12?" No. I'm 19, and I was 9 when I read that book. Still, 10 years later, I remember the PTS's and "we must increase our bust" and being introduced to the lie that my period would be the best thing that ever happened to me.

Aside from the latter, I'm really glad my mother made me read that book [and I will surely introduce my daughter to it, but let her know ahead of the time about the biggest lie I was ever told]. I read a lot books when I was nine years old that helped shaped me. I read Sorcerers Stone for the first time when I was nine. I read The Diary of Anne Frank when I was nine [I know, intense book for a nine year old but, whatever]. But Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret made me grow up a bit.

It helped me learn about being myself and it made me really love my friends and taught me to really value friendship because sometimes they're the only ones who understand.

I've read other books that have shaped my life, like Looking For Alaska, The Diary of Anne Frank for example. I look forward to reading a lot of other life changing books in the future [and thanks to Twitter I probably will].

Fare thee well,
April

BEDA 11: All You Need Is Love

Greetings!

My favorite subject about anything ever is love.

Yesterday I talked about growing old with someone you love and not falling out of love.

But, I should elaborate, that the only way for this wonderful fantasy of mine to come true is to find a love that isn't work.

I hate when people say they have to work to keep their relationships alive and that love is hard work.

And as soon as I was old enough to be able to imagine love in my mind and to read about it and experience it, that's what I expected. I expected people to fight, to get angry, to hate each other at times and that if you could go through all of that and love each other then you were golden.

But here I am now, crazy in love and it isn't work and I'm slightly baffled by this concept that relationships are hard work and anyone who knows me won't try to deny that my relationship is as smooth as soft butter gliding over a hot skillet.

I don't see the point in fighting because fighting doesn't solve problems, it only makes more. And TRUST is never an issue.

And then there's the fact that we operate like two separate entities working towards one common goal. He gets that all I like to do is read, write and indulge in the occasional Action RPG when I'm not in school. And I get that he wants to work and help his family and eventually do military stuff in lieu of going to school and indulge in the occasional Call of Duty session with is peoples (yeah, I just said "peoples") every once in a while.

Even though sometimes I spend more time than I should reading or writing or whenever I leave drawers open he gets irritated. But he doesn't get so irritated that he he blows up at me like "Put the F*cking book down and pay attention to me!". It's more like "Babe, it's one o'clock in the morning. I think  you should put the laptop down and go to sleep now."

And sometimes he'll dump the laundry basket on the bed which REALLY grinds my gears but I won't go "take the laundry off the bed or I'll cut you d!ck off!" I just fold the clothes up and put them away and it's water under the bridge.

That's how love should be, you know? A relationship that two people enjoy and cherish; that needs not to be work but to be fun and simply filled to the brim with care, compassion, and kindness to one another.


All you need is love.



Fare thee well,
April (And also Jjay)