12 Step Novel Writing Program

Greetings!

I tell people I'm a writer and by writing every day I seem to actually be one. And people are excited about the fact that I am writer. They love that I feel so passionate about writing and tell me that I should things about stuff that I would never even dream of writing. Still, they know I'm a writer.

What happens though, is that I tell people I'm working in a writing project and they get excited. And then it happens that after a month or so they get on my case, like "Where the heck is that book you were supposed to write?"

Now, sometimes, it happens that I end up hating a story while I write and I stop working on it. Sometimes I feel like it's too Twilighty because the plot is covered in sugar and the main character is a Mary Sue who gets whatever they want. Sometimes, I'll hate the plot and there's no saving that. Other times the whole story will drag. Other time it will move way too fast.

The worst is having a good plot and characters I like but doing something to the story that just makes my skin crawl, knowing I can fix it but not knowing how.

The thing that changed it all for me was in 12th grade when I participated in NaNoWriMo for the very first time. This was an eyeopening experience.

I now know that Jo Rowling didn't sit down and write Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in one sitting (though sometimes I like to dream that she did. I've kept her on a pedestal since I was nine). I'm going to guess that her first draft was a lot better than any first draft I've ever written, but I'm only 19 and haven't sucked enough yet (that's what she said).

National Novel Writing Month taught me a lot about myself and since then I have honed not only my writing ability but the things I have to before I actually write anything at all.

Were you one of those kids who went to a school where they made you outline every paper ever before you actually got write the paper and then they made you do a first draft before you turned in a final copy? Well, I did and I loathed it.

But guess what: they also drilled how to cite everything ever in MLA format so now I kickass at writing college paper (or at least citing in them--and I don't mean to brag but my works cited pages always look pretty glorious as well).

The point is, I now know that I cannot write a book or a short story or even a paper for class unless I outline it first.

There is an entire process to how I write things from beginning to end. It's my very own 12 Step Program (your results may vary). Now I'd like to share it with you:

Step One:
Write down a short synopsis of the entire thing.

This is the first thing that I always, always do. Sometimes I skip it and go straight to step two but then I end up staring at a page for an hour trying to figure out how to end it. Essentially, I just have to write down the gist of the entire thing. "MC goes here, does this, meets MC2. So on and so forth." If I like then I move on to. . .

Step Two:
Naming my characters.

"What? This is the second thing you do? Are you on crack?" No, I am not on crack. There is a method to my madness. Have you ever heard someone say "don't name it because you'll get attached to it?" Well, that's what I do. Naming the main characters in the story (usually just the hero/heroine and their merry band of sidekicks) bonds me to them. Not only that, but once a character has a name, then I can work out how they behave as well. I develop their personalities around their name. For instance if I name someone something like "Cloud Storm" (I would never really use that name by the way) I would know that they're probably going to be dark and angry and mean and whatnot. Once I know how my characters SHOULD behave (more on that later) I know what kinds of things they would do or wouldn't do and that helps me down the road when I need to move the story along.

Step Three
"Chapter" summaries.

I use "chapter" loosely because rarely have I ever written down a chapter summary that ended up filling up enough space to be what I consider a chapter. But, it gives me a place to start and lets me get a little more in-depth with the story. This is a life saver because the story is already in my head and I know what's going to happen. The chapter summaries tell me this has to happen before this happens. I make sure to write down that certain relationship need to have advanced to this stage or someone has to be killed before this point and so on. I have to keep in mind, however, that I am a crazy person and I write down lots of things that don't make sense. For instance, in my most recent outline I wrote down that my MCs parents sent her a care package from Russia filled with, and I quote "Russian stuff". I don't know what that means and I doubt that I did when I wrote it down the first time.

Step Four
Begin writing exposition.*

It's taken me a very long time to realize that exposition is the hardest thing in the world for me to read AND write. Sometimes I get so frustrated with exposition that I just quit. I'm not proud of it, but I do. But I'm a little older and little wiser and I know have to push myself through it. I know it's going to suck because it's the first draft and it always sucks but this is the first great hurdle I get to every time and I know that if I can make this jump everything else will (usually) fall into place the way it needs to. Introducing the setting, characters, and the plot is always the toughest. It's like eating a salad as an appetizer while waiting for your fillet mignon to come out of the kitchen. The salad is necessary because it's good for you and prepares your stomach for the heavy meat you're about to eat but you'd much rather just have the juicy piece of steak wrapped in bacon now and forget all about the salad.

Step Five
Dealing with your characters who (apparently) call the shots.

Once I've started writing, the story is pretty much out of my hands. I don't control what my characters say or do or how they act. They are their own persons and they say whatever. This is frustrating because sometimes I feel like "Bob, why are you being so nice to everyone. You were supposed to be my rebel without a cause!" Apparently Bob didn't want to be the rebel--he wanted to be the bad ass with a heart of gold. Now I know what you're thinking, the character developed that way because that's how I wrote it. But if you remember in step two I say that I write how they SHOULD behave. They don't always stay that way. As I write (as everyone writes) things grown and change and become different and that mostly happens with my characters and I change the world around them to fit them so everything I write goes together well. Of course, there are time when my characters behave in a way that I don't particularly approve of and then I have to punish them. This can vary depending on the offense--if someone decides they want to be friends with someone they were never intended to be friends with I might kill them off or maybe if they think their life is all sunshine and rainbows and perfect, I'll put them in a humiliating situation from which they will never recover. My characters do take on a life of their own but I have to make sure they remember I am their god. I created them--I can destroy them.

Step Six
Do not edit.

Yes, this is a step. After I've gotten through the first few chapters I'll always think of things that I should go back and change or that I can add to make it flow better. No. Absolutely not. That's like taking one step forward and two steps back. Editing now is the enemy. I have to tell myself to keep writing. However, there are times when editing is necessary, like when you have a massive plot change, it's pretty important that you try to fix all that stuff. At least, if I don't do it, I forget about it and then look back and confuse myself. But usually, I don't edit until the end. HOWEVER, since every writer ever feels this desire to edit, if I'm having a particularly good day writing: If I write an entire chapter or something else really awesome, I'll allow myself one hour to edit whatever I want. I get my editing fix and I'll have made progress with the actually story. Everyone wins.

Step Seven
Remind myself that I actually enjoy writing.

After I get far enough into, writing does start to feel like a chore and it shouldn't. This fatigue actually means that I'm almost there. I usually feel like this just before I get to the climax of the story. It's like I'm climbing an actual hill of rising action trying to get to the tippy top where the climax is. It's all down hill after climax after all. Still, all of the anticipation and excitement that happens at the climax is so overwhelming that I again feel like I'm eating a salad and want to get to my steak. You think all those guys who climbed Mount Everest didn't feel like quitting, especially when they got near the top--the air is thin, it's really cold. Maybe a few people have gotten really sick, but they were almost there! just a few more feet, just push a little farther and you'll get to the peak. After that, all you have to do is carefully climb down.

Step Eight
The climax!

The best part of the story! Where everything EXPLODES in a fiery blaze of glory! This is where Harry and his gang sneak past Fluffy! This is where Clio and Aidan get attacked by pirates! This is where The Fellowship of the Ring gets attacked by orcs! This is where the magic happen. The trick for me is to be very meticulous otherwise I blow through it so fast that it actually ends up sucking and then it turns into one of those books where people read it and say "I liked it until. . ." (For me, one of these books was Maximum Ride: The Final Warning. "I liked it until they it turned into a book about Global Warming."). My most recent climax involves a fight with a giant chimera and Google. . . Just ponder that one for a minute.

Step Nine
SLOW DOWN. Ties up loose ends.

The end is where I always screw up. Everything is going well and good and then I  realize I'm almost and screw it all up because I didn't take the time to actually tie up everything or I just blazed through it or I just decide to go all M. Night Shamalamadingdong on it and leave myself feeling like I wasted a lot of time and will never get back the precious hours I spent working on it. I have to slow down. I make sure that I resolve everything. I have to make sure that everything is peachy keen and all that good stuff. This is where I just have to relax and let the words flow out like they should. I have a much easier time doing this now that I've learned to outline instead of just planning off the top of my head.

Step Ten
Walk away. Don't look back.

Walk away from it. Don't look at it. Don't think about it. Write some fan fiction. Throw a party. Take a nap. Eat some cupcakes. After a while has passed (some people wait six months. Some people wait a month. Some people think 24 hours away from it is enough) go look at it with a fresh set of eyes. Then brace yourself.

Step Eleven
Have a panic attack

"Did I really write something this horrible? Did I really think that this line was witty? The plot is all over the place? My grammar is horrible! I totally spelled that word wrong!" If you look at your first draft and you don't feel any of these things, get your eyes checked. Pronto. Take a deep breath. All first drafts suck. They are bad. Like I said, Jo didn't write Deathly Hallows in one sitting, no matter how much I want to pretend she did. And even if she did do it in one sitting, I'm not J.K. Rowling and I'm not that awesome.

Step Twelve
Remove shiny red pen and attack the novel.

This is the final step. Break out your red pen or pencil or whatever it is you use to edit and correct everything. Don't stop until that bad boy is covered in ink. Don't stop until you've written "WTF" on every single page. Don't stop until the margins are so cramped with corrections that you can't write anymore.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

I've only ever gotten as far as step eleven because a lot of things I've written, I've looked back at just haven't been worth saving. Like that book I wrote in 10th grade and my first NaNoWriMo novel--all things that I still have that just remind me there's ALWAYS room for improvement and that sometimes it really is okay to just start from scratch.

After you've sucked enough and written until your hand falls off, you'll have written a novel. High five yourself. You're awesome.

There's only one part of writing that I forgot to mention and that is not writing, i.e., procrastination. Sometimes it's much easier to write about HOW I write as opposed to actually writing. Procrastinating usually strikes me during steps four, seven, and nine. Be wary.

Writing isn't easy. It makes you want to *head desk* and *face palm* and throw your laptop across the room. Just because someone is good at writing doesn't mean ideas come to them easily. It doesn't mean we can just sit down and crank out awesomeness. It takes time. It takes a lot patience. Then it takes more patience. Not just from the writer but from the people anticipating the book as well.

Anyway, I might get done faster if I didn't procrastinate this way. . .

Fare thee well,
April <3

*I feel like I should have a step before this that involves me outlining more thoroughly or something, but I have yet to figure out a way to do this without annoying myself with detail.

Sayonara, Bye-Bye

[It takes me a moment to get to the point, but you'll understand once you get there.]

Greetings!

So, it's come to my attention that I'm kind of a freak. I know that the general population, doesn't care about outer space or the progression of the death of the universe. Most of them don't care how many times I've read Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (12 by the way). Most of them don't care or understand Twitter. Most of them look at me, whenever I mention any of those things and think "Wow, what a freak."

And then I look at them and think "I LOVE being a freak."

I love watching Fruits Basket and then having weird dream where everyone is an animal. I love writing Harry Potter fanfiction. I love that my most recent project is to work the Sisyphean into a sentence and then divulge too much information about the word's origin and meaning. I love that I can explain to you, in detail the three ways that the universe might die. I love that I love Young Adult fiction even if it means a lot of people around are going to eventually tell me to grow up and read more adult books, or worse non-fiction (ick!).

But let's face it. I'm not THAT much a freak.

I'll admit, I'm socially awkward. The way I used to function was that I would find a group of people, imitate their speech and their mannerisms and blend in to make myself more socially acceptable. By the time I got into high I had outgrown that. Somehow, I only found it worthwhile to talk to people who were interested in things I was actually interested in. But I never blew off the people who weren't like me.

When I was with people who weren't as nerdy as I was (because as it turns out EVERYONE in my high school was a closet nerd in one way or another) I silently observed them. I don't mean that I went all Animal Planet and detailed out every single thing that they did, but if they were having a conversation, I'd listen (if I was with them--I don't mean eavesdropping. Who do you think I am, Samwise Gamgee?). I'd watch them way I watched in middle school, but instead of imitating, I'd make a mental note of it (you know, because I'm a writer. It's what I do).

I think people are fascinating. SO fascinating. Even the incredibly horrible things they do are fascinating. I'm always curious about the WHY behind the things that people do (Am I going to go to grad school for something psychology related--of course). I want to know why people have to be socially awkward. Why aren't people more accepting of other people? Why do I find interaction with people outside of Twitter so difficult?

But the answer is easy--we're all afraid of rejection or not being accepted by other people.

I can hear the outcries now "I don't care whether or not people like me. People don't have to like me. I don't care what other people think of me."

But you do. Because if no one liked you, you'd be alone and friendless and you'd hate everything.

The thing that I, that MOST people, I think struggle with is the idea that not EVERYONE has to like you. I don't have to make sure that everyone likes me.

I am an odd, but naturally likable person, because I don't make things difficult people. Some people would call this being spineless. That is I'm starting to call it as well. People ask me a lot of questions and for my opinion on a lot of things but I don't usually answer because I don't want to be painted in a negative light, even if my answer would mean standing up for someone else. And for all the good that I want in the world I know, I've always known, that there are two types of evil: Those that do evil and those that see evil being done and do nothing.

I am the second type of evil person. That sucks. Totally sucks.

Occasionally, I can be passive aggressive--You can tell when I'm irritated and being passive aggressive with you because I'll start my sentences with an "actually" or "apparently." For instance, I was in 3rd grade and my teacher said that we stomped up the stairs like a herd of elephants because we were so loud. I replied "Actually, elephants walk on their tiptoes so they don't make a lot of noise when they walk."

I didn't get recess that day, obviously.

Still being cheeky and passive aggressive is about as much as I do these days. Because, like I say, time and time again, I just don't have the energy to let things upset me.

But today, I woke up and got onto Facebook and something inside of my brain snapped. It was a very sudden, sharp snap. For some reason, almost everything and everyone on Facebook and in my real life made me, really, really angry.

I couldn't explain why I was angry or what they'd done at first but then I had two very massive realizations.

The first was that no one cared about me. And I don't mean that in the "my existence is meaningless" kind of way. I meant it in the, if I were to sit in the same room with most of these people even our small talk wouldn't last five minutes. I would ask them how they were doing, how their life is going, what they've been up to lately, if I know them well enough, how that little hobby of theirs is going. And I know, for a FACT that this gesture would not be reciprocated. Most of them would not even ask me what book I've read recently because they do not care. They don't even care enough about me to be polite to me. And time and time again these are the people that I see doing evil (you know, the gossiping, rumor mongering crowd) and I do nothing about.

Why are these poisonous people in my life? What do they do for me?

And that's when a fellow tweep made it all crystal clear for me: I feel an obligation to these people to keep them around. Why? Because I'm too nice. Because I have no spine. I am a jellyfish.

I am weird. But I'm not that weird. I don't do things that gross people out. I don't sit in a basement and play World of Warcraft all day and forget that there's life outside my apartment. I'm just a nerd. A massive nerd who likes to learn things and read books and go to school.

I am not too weird or too much of a freak for people to not want to pay me even the most basic of common courtesies and if people aren't going to be kind to me then I don't have to be kind to them.

Okay, yes I do. I am always going to be polite and kind because it's who I am. But what I don't have to do, is keep you around. There may not be that many people in my life, but there are enough of them around that I can cut most people out of it and keep around the ones that will make an effort to treat me the same way they treat everyone else despite the fact that I am a freak.

Yes, I'm a freak, but this freak has feelings. I know you have feelings. I treat you like you do because it's what we all should be doing. I don't care if you're some weirdo who plays D&D or if you're a pretentious hipster or even just a dumbass who thinks they know everything. You are a human freaking being and you deserve to be treated as such. People should be nice to you. People should treat you like you have feelings that can be hurt and that words, or lack there of, along with sticks and stones can hurt you.

I may be a freak who watches The Universe and reads YA literature and writes fanfiction and lists "smiling" as one of my favorite activities and has a difficult time communicating with people who don't have similar interests, but that doesn't make it okay for you to just decide that your time could be better spent being a butt muncher than being nice to someone who is always nice to you no matter how massively annoying they find you.

So here's the deal: I like to spend my time being happy and nerdy and I've wasted too much of it wondering why people I see all the time don't say more to me than "Hello." So, goodbye all you poisonous energy suckers. It may not make a difference to you whether or not I speak to you ever again but it feels pretty damn good to not have to speak to you ever again.

Find a new nice girl to string along. I'm done with you.

Fare thee well,
April

HP Book One: Chapter 5

Chapter Title: Diagon Alley
What I Would Call It: It's Tough Being Harry Potter

The one thing I love about Harry throughout the entire series is that he constantly remains enchanted by the magical world he lives in. Every time he learns about about new piece of magic or sees how it works in wonderful and fantastic ways, it's all so beautiful and wonderful to him. It annoys most people I know that Harry constantly seems surprised by the things magic can do and should, especially by the time he gets older, shouldn't be surprised by it anymore.

But I think it's great. It's like how when people first meet the Doctor and they learn aliens are real and they spend the whole day fighting aliens and when it's over and the Doctor invites them to go on adventures with him they see the Tardis, this little blue police box, and ythey wonder, how is that a space ship and they go inside and it's vast and huge and--it's bigger on the inside.

Even though they've spent the whole day fighting Daleks or Cybermen or Santa's with guns and they're like "well now I've seen EVERYTHING" they go into the TARDIS and they're still like "Whoa!" And no matter how many times they travel to different periods in history or how many times they visit other planets, every time they do it's always a wonderful and new experience.

The very same principle applies here.

This only comes to mind because Harry wakes up the next morning after everything and thinks it was all a dream. His world is so normal and so cut and dry that a giant named Hagrid can't have possibly come to take him away to a magical school called Hogwarts. He can't be a wizard. He can't be famous. His parents died in a car crash and not by a dark wizard with a silly name.

But it's true, proven by the owl that shows up tapping on the window to deliver a newspaper. It attacks Hagrid's coat and he instructs Harry to pay the with  bird with 5 knuts *snickers*. I'm sorry, but did you seriously read this book as a child and not laugh when the currency was introduced to you as knuts? Did no part of your brain see that and think "that sounds inappropriate so I'm going to laugh at it!"

So, Harry discovers wizards have money, but then is astonished to find they have banks, sorry A bank. One bank. Gringotts. Run by goblins.  Awesomesauce. Hagrid says it's a bad idea to rob them because goblins are nasty and mean, but it is the safest place in the world, "'cept maybe Hogwarts". But they have to go there anyway for Dumbledore.

You know, sometimes I think of Dumbledore as being like Captain Picard. He was always so smart and intelligent and kind and all that and when business needed to get taken care of, he had the perfect team for it. So when aliens attacked or when something in the engine room broke, Data or Geordi or Riker would be like "this is how we can fix it" and Picard would be "That's cool, do this in addition to that" and they'd be like "that's an even better plan" and Picard is all "Yep, cause I'm all awesome. Make it so."

And sometimes it seems like Picard isn't the hero, without his leadership and all his "make it so's" nothing would ever get done. Like Dumbledore.

And now that I've confused those of you who have never seen Star Trek before, let's move along.

Harry asks how Hagrid got here because, there's no other boat aside from uncle Vernon's. Hagrid says he flew. Harry imagines Hagrid flying and so do I. Like, can't you just picture Hagrid soaring through the sky, his jacket flapping in the wind behind him like some large, hairy superman? Best imagery I've had in my head all day.

On the boat, Hagrid reads the Daily Prophet and Harry, as is typical of any 11-year-old asks a thousand questions. We learn that wizards have a Ministry of Magic. I Googled "British Ministries" to gain a better grasp of how their government works and I got confused. There were a lot of people and dates and time lines. No definitions. I, an ignorant American, can only assume (after also watching Torchwood and Doctor Who which are both places you want to look to learn about how things REALLY happen across the pond) that they have different ministries there that function as their form of government, like here in America we have different departments and what not like the Department of Defense and so on. Like that.

I'm sure I'm probably wrong but, like I said, ignorant American.

According to Hagrid, the ministry wanted Dumbledore to be Minister of Magic (which is equal to the President or Prime Minister--I do know SOME things) but everyone knows he loves Hogwarts so Cornelius Fudge asks him a thousand questions a day about how to do his job.

Harry asks why the Ministry of Magic keeps magic away from Muggles. Because muggles are greedy. Didn't he see Lord of the Rings? What happened when Sauron gave the rings to kings of men? They got all power hungry and turned into the Nazgul... Then again it is only 1991 where Harry is and so it hasn't been made into a major motion picture yet. I think that terrible cartoon was out back then but... Like I said, terrible cartoon. And Harry doesn't strike me as the kind of child who reads Tolkein.

But that's exactly why muggles don't know about magic, because if they did they'd want magic to solve all their problems.

Another question Harry asks is about if Gringotts really keeps a dragon in its vault. I'm sure he was getting at "are Dragons real?" but Hagrid says that he's wanted a dragon ever since he was a child (there'll be a quiz on this later).

They get on a train and people stare. Maybe it's because it's because Hagrid's a giant who likes to knit yellow things. I think people wouldn't stare as much if he were doing something appropriate to the way he looks like, cleaning a shot gun or sharpening an axe.

Whilst knitting, Harry looks at his school supply list. There's his uniform for starters (did you know their robes had NAME TAGS?). There's a list of some awesome books everyone wants: Standard book of spells, A History of Magic (Bathilda!), and Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them  (Hey, I have that one!) for starters.

Then there's "Other Equipment". At the very top of the list is the most magical, shiny, wonderful, glorious thing that everyone wishes they had (or, if you do have one you wish it worked outside of your imagination): 1 Wand.

Excuse me while the little fan girl inside of dances and spins and twirls dreamily.

Moving on, they go to London and come to the place known as "The Leaky Cauldron". Harry suspects that only he and Hagrid can see it. He will learn later of course, that muggles only really see what they want to see.

Inside, it looks like a pub, people smoked, people drank. They saw Hagrid and waved hello. It was like the set of Cheers.

Tom the bartender asks if Hagrid wants his usual, but Hagrid can't drink while he's working. Then everything goes still. People stare. Then everyone's like "OMG! You're Harry Potter!"

Then, a name I remember, Dedalus Diggle. Harry's all like "I've seen you before! You bowed to me once in a shop!" And then Dedalus gets all fangirly. He reminds me of me that day I went to my first The Remus Lupins concert and Alex Carpenter was like "Oh, yeah, I remember you from MySpace." And on the inside I was all like "OMG! Alex Carpenter knows who I am! Whee!" But on the outside I was like "cool" because, I was too cool for that whole fangirling people outwardly (that is until the day I met Neville's Diary, but that's an embarrassing tale worthy of it's own blog).

Then we meet another character intrinsic to the plot, without whom this book would have no plot: Professor Quirrell who has an eye twitch and a stutter and teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts.

After he leaves the pub to an empty, walled courtyard where Harry asks if Quirrell is always that nervous. Apparently, and I forgot all about this, he was fine until he took that year off and ran into those vampires and the hag and now he's scared of everything.

Hagrid taps a brick on the wall and a hold appears which grows bigger and bigger until an archway forms and  a little cobblestone (*google image searches cobblestone* So THAT'S what they look like. It's like brick but not really) street.

Welcome to Diagon Alley.

Whatever, Jo. We know you just pulled the word diagonally apart and added an "e". I know your game.

Diagon Alley is magical and wonderful and did I mention wonderful. It's filled with loads of shops filled with awesome things that Harry wouldn't have thought up in his dizziest day dreams. But then they come to Gringotts, the giant white building with the creepy little goblins.

They go up to the counter and meet with a wee goblin. After asking for the key to Harry's vault. Hagrid slips the teller a note and says it's about the "you-know-what" in vault 713.

Oh. Em. Gee. 7 and 13 are my two favorite numbers. Coincidence?

So, a goblin by the name of Griphook pops up and leads them back to the vaults by way of a fun roller coaster type train that makes Hagrid sick.

On the way, I find one way that muggles are better than wizards. Harry asks Hagrid what the difference between stalagmite and stalactite are. Hagrid replied with "Stalagmite has an 'm' in it."

Now, because I'm a muggle I have a mobile cellular device. On this this cell phone I can go to this website called google and type in something like "stalagmite vs stalactite" and then google will come back and tell me the answer.

Wizards and witches of the world--where's your google?

That's right, Muggles: 1 Wizards: 1,000,000,000,000...

So, they reach Harry's vault and he opens the door and inside are mountains and mountains and mountains of money. Harry realizes that he's rich and is flabbergasted. Hagrid explains the money, knuts, sickles, and galleons. I won't repeat it here because I've never remembered it and I doubt I ever will. I'm okay with that.

After collecting his money, they go to vault 713 and pull out the You-Know-What. Harry is disappointed that in side of the vault is empty except for the You-Know-What. He thought there was going to be tons of cash and jewels on the inside of it, but alas, no.

When they leave Gringotts, Hagrid suggest Harry go get his school robes while he goes to get a pick me up from the Leaky Cauldron. Yes, Hagrid, that's responsible. Leave a child who's never been here before ever in his life to wander here alone. You most certainly can go get a drink from the pub.

But, Harry goes it alone to Madame Malkins Robes For All Occasions.

Inside Madame Malkin puts him up on a stool next to some pointy faced albino boy (I wonder who that could be...) who immediately starts up a conversation with him.

At first it's friendly, though the boy seems bored. He then expresses his disgust at not being allowed a broom into school and how he's going to bully his father into buying one for him so he can smuggle it in.

This robe fitting just took a turn for the douche.

Draco--I mean, the boy, asks Harry if he has his own broom. "No." Does he play Quidditch? "No". Harry wonders what the eff is Quidditch. I want to know why he hasn't told this spoiled kid to kick rocks already. But the boys goes on about how awesome it is and how it's a crime if he doesn't get picked to play for his house. Then the boy asks what house he thinks he'll be in. Harry doesn't know but his monosyllabic replies don't stop the boy from continuing to speak. He think he'll be in Slytherin because his whole family has been. Then he says "Imagine being in Hufflepuff, I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?"

*pulls out shot gun*

Eff you, Malfoy! Don't talk crap about my people! We Hufflepuff's are a proud, if not somewhat easily frightened, people! We may not be the smartest or the bravest or the most popular, but we're individuals damn it!

Before I can murder the boy, he sees Hagrid outside and Harry can finally give more than one word replies to him. He says that it's Hagrid. Then things get MEGA douchey.

Draco asks if he's some sort of servant. Harry says he's gamekeeper. Then Draco says he's a savage who gets drunk every once in a while and tries to do magic and ends up setting his bed on fire.

First of all Malfoy, Hagrid is not a savage. He's bohemian. Jerk.

Harry thinks Hagrid is brilliant and Draco asks why he's even here with him and not with his parents. Harry says his parents are dead. Draco says sorry but doesn't really mean it and earns his spot at the top of Harry Potter's shit list.

Finally Madame Malkin, finishes up Draco's robe and he skips along his merry ol' way. But Harry is sad. He doesn't know about Quidditch and the Malfoy boy says that Muggle Borns she be allowed in. But Hagrid is great at cheering people up.

Obviously, if this Malfoy kid had known who he was he wouldn't have been such a jackhole. Besides, lots of Muggle Borns are awesome, like Lily. Even if her sister was a complete douche.

But Harry wants to know more about Quidditch. Hagrid says it's a complicated sport played on Brooms (and if you've ever read Quidditch Through the Ages you'll know this is true).

And then, What are Slytherin and Hufflepuff?

They're the school houses of course, Hagrid replied. He also says that Hufflepuffs "are a lot of o' duffers" and Harry immediately thinks he'll land in Hufflepuff. Well you'd be proud to Harry. So. . . There.

Which Hagrid kind of agrees with--it's better than Slytherin anyhow because that was Voldemort's house. Hufflepuff is better than alls ya'lls houses. Word.

After finishing up their ice cram they pop over to Florish and Blotts for his school books, then Hagrid has to talk Harry out of buying a solid gold cauldron (Ten Responsibility points for Hagrid) and then they pop over to the apothecary which smells bad but looks pretty cool... Like your mom...

The last thing Harry has left to buy is his wand.

So, Hagrid goes and buys Harry an animal (HEDWIG! Weeeee!) and then they go to Ollivanders!

Ollivander immediately gives off that old guy vibe. You know the one I'm talking about. He's like the old man that sits in his rocking chair on his porch that all the children go and hear stories from.

And he knows everyone. Old people know everyone.

Ollivander continues to behave like a creepy old man by invading Harry's personal space and touching his scar. He proceeds to say that he sold the wand that did that to his face --he's sorry about that, obviously.

But, Ollivander, gets on with life and starts measuring Harry everywhere (most notably, between his nostrils) and also pulls out some wands for Harry.

All of the wands are made of fail, but then Ollivander gets a curious idea. Luckily, this hunch works out. Harry, who loves to asks questions asks why the wand he has is curious.

"Oh, only because the wand I gave Voldemort had a phoenix feather core from the exact same phoenix who's feather is in your wand. Ain't that nutty? Say! I bet since your wands are relatives you'll probably be pretty awesome. You see, that Voldemort, boy was he an awesome wizard, definitely evil, crazy, out of his mind of course, but, yeah, also pretty bad ass."

Nope, not creepy at all.

Harry pays Ollivander and leaves, wondering why people love him so much. He doesn't even know why he's famous. It must be SO hard to be loved, Harry. I mean, after years of living in a cupboard under some stairs with spiders, enduring years of psychological trauma and physical abuse from your family members and classmates, how dare these people acknowledge your existence? How dare they show sympathy for your dead parents, and how dare they marvel at the fact that as a baby you weren't murdered by a dark wizard? How dare they expect the best out of you.

It must be hard being extraordinary.

Harry's day ends with Hagrid putting him on the train back to the Dursley's with his ticket for Hogwarts and says that if the Dursley give him trouble to send a letter with his owl.

Harry looks out the window to see Hagrid as he pulls away but Hagrid is gone. He probably flew away again.

Road Trip Wednesday! - Favorite Couple

Greetings!

How long has it been since I've done Road Trip Wednesday? I can't remember either. Let's fix that.

This week's topic is: "Who are your favorite literary couples? You know -- the ones you like by themselves, but LOVE together!"


Off the top of my head? I don't know. Probably Tonks and Lupin from Harry Potter. They're only my favorite pairing in the history of anything. Let me tell you why.


Lupin is pretty much my favorite character in the whole Harry Potter series. The only time in the whole series is in Chapter 11 of Deathly Hallows which broke my heart. But other than that, Remus is the bees knees. He's smart, probably funny (you don't really see Remus cracking jokes but you can just tell he is), and he's a genuinely nice person. But he's human too. He dislikes people like Umbridge, he holds grudges against people like Snape who, even as an adult, was an asshole to him, but is able to still treat him like a person. And of course, he's able to love.


Ah, love.


He loves Tonks, who is, by far, the best person ever. I mean, wouldn't you love to change your appearance at will? And on top of that, she's clumsy, a Hufflepuff and still manages to go out and kick some serious death eater butt as an auror. How many Hufflepuffs do that? Not many, I'm assuming. And yet, despite being this young, multi-talented, kind of out there girl, she loves Remus, a werewolf, slightly older, probably not the best looking guy around and he probably makes her feel stupid sometimes when talks [in a good way, like sometimes when my boyfriend talks about math (which I hate) and he just goes on and on about it, I don't have a clue what he's talking about, but the fact that he knows SO much about it is pretty hot].


The story of how they came to fall in love with each other is something that can only be guessed at or read in fanfiction, but it must've been magical. Unrequited love is a bitch. You can just imagine it, he tells her he loves her, but because of his condition they can't be together, but her love for him runs so deep that she won't give up and she can't let go and it causes her body to STOP FUNCTIONING PROPERLY.


Also, she got really weepy, all of the time, which I did find slightly annoying. But what I found even more annoying is that the weepiness could've been avoided if Lupin had simply given into his feelings because he really had no legit reason that anyone could see for denying himself love. All you need is love, damn it. He could say that she deserved someone younger or better looking or with more money but at the end of the day, what she deserved was love, which was all anyone of us deserves.


But then , they got together and all was well (until the end of book seven--I still cry myself to sleep at night over what happened to them).


Tonks and Remus aren't the worlds most fantastic couple, no, but for some reason, their struggle together tugs on my heart strings more so than anyone else's. Maybe it's just because they're both my favorite and I'm elated that my two favorites are together. But They are together and that makes me really, really, really, happy.


And oh, the fanfiction you can write about it.


Fare thee well,
April <3

Drama: Why It's Your Fault and How You Can Rectify This Issue

Greetings!

I'm not the type of person who usually says this kind of thing but. . . I'm pretty awesome.

Seriously. I'm really awesome. I like to read books and learn things about people. I like to see people happy. I don't like being mean to others. I hate seeing people be mistreated. I love, well, love.

But recently, it's occurred to me that I might be too awesome for people to handle.

That statement probably makes no sense because how can something be TOO awesome? It's really easy.

A lot of the character traits that I have and value so fiercely that I will NEVER let go of, are highly under valued by everyone.

People don't value kindness and respectfulness and politeness anymore. It's as if we just decided we don't need them anymore. Seriously, people, what's up with that?

You know what's up with that? People are dishonest nowadays too, because people LOVE their drama. They'll go on and on about how they're so over the drama and how they hate that people still act like they're in high school all of the time. "Haters gonna hate" "Do you, Imma do me" and so on and so forth.

A week later they're saying the same thing "bitches love the drama. It's cool though, I'm so over that shit."

And the cycle just keeps repeating itself.

Do you see a massive problem here? Do you see the problem here at all?

You know how I like my drama? I like it on television. That's why I watch "Secret Life of the American Teenager", because it's an awful TV show that gives me all the drama that I lack in my life. And after it's over I go back to my drama free life.

I don't get on Twitter and Facebook and talk about how people are haters or how they need to mind their own business or get a life or how I'm SO over the drama that I'm just going "do me" and leave everyone else behind...

And then get upset a week later when there's still drama.

*head desk*

Am I the only person who hates drama? Seriously. Search your souls. Check your tweets. Check your Facebook. If you continually say "Imma do me" or "I'm so over the drama" or "Haters gonna hate" or any variation of these things, repeatedly, you may have an addiction to drama.

The first step to overcoming your addiction is actually admitting you have a problem. Tell yourself, be honest: "Yes, I do like the drama."

Now, think of all the stress you've had because of the drama. Think of how much damage you're doing to your soul because of the drama. And not just your soul, darling. All that extra stress is probably making your body work double time. The drama will put you in an early grave.

Bacon will probably put me in an early grave.

But I digress, I hate the drama. I hate wondering if people are talking about me when I'm not there. I hate hearing that people are talking about me behind my back and more so than that I hate when people lie about me.

And that, citizens, is why I don't talk.

Yep. It's that easy. Well, it's also because I'm socially awkward and tend to put my foot in my mouth when I talk, but the other reason is definitely because I want to avoid trouble.

If something REALLY bothers me I'll say something. Generally, though, I find most things aren't worth getting upset over.

Let's says something like this goes down:

Random Person: "April, this hoe was saying that you were talking all kinds of BS."

Me: "Is that a fact?"

Random person: "Yeah. What are you gonna do about that Silly-Nanny running around slandering your good name?"

Me: "I'm gonna. . . Bake some cookies."

That's right. When life gives me drama, I bake cookies and eat them and think about how much more I like the than drama. Then I eat another cookie and get on with my life. Maybe I'll read a book. Maybe I'll watch TV. Maybe I'll take a nap.

Maybe I'll go enjoy my life instead of wasting it by getting into a meaningless quarrel with someone who clearly has nothing better to do with their time.

Now if I know you, and I think I do, you probably feel like letting this person run their mouth about you makes you "lame" or some other nonsense. Let's use another example:

Random Person: "OMG, April. This person pissed me off so bad. So after I herd them running their mouth I went and Such and Such what she said and they were like 'OMG. What a bitch.' So we called her up and was like 'WTF is you problem dude?' and she was all like 'I ain't say that' and I know she did because she's a liar. It wore me out. I'm bouta go to bed early tonight. That ever happen to you?"

Me: "Totally! This girl started talking about me right, and I went home and made some cookies and took a nap and read a book and had a pretty enjoyable day. I'm not sure what's she's doing with her life now but I could care less because I'm super happy."

I don't know about you but I definitely enjoy the "cookie making, nap taking, book reading" scenario to the "continuing the circle of drama and not doing anything fun with my life" scenario.

That's how we avoid drama--we don't feed the trolls. We ignore the people who are trying to start it up.

How else do you avoid drama? Stop being so nosy all of the time.

Yes, you. Yeah you. Stop looking around like I'm talking to someone else. I mean YOU. Yes, YOU! Stay out of their business. So what they got into a spat with their lover or best friend or casual acquaintance from across the way. It doesn't concern you.

I know, it's hard to let it go, but you have to. They can sort out their troubles without you, and if they come to you for advice on their problem, try to be more constructive with your advice because honestly "Fuck them" is really vague and could mean any number of things.

People, I implore you: Let it go. It won't kill you to let people's ignorance go. If I didn't let things people said go, I'd be a really awful person. Like, really awful. Cormac McLaggen meets Draco Malfoy awful.

Take your own advice for once, world. "Do you." Do what you want with your life. Do what makes you happy. Don't let the haters bring you down. If people talk, let them talk. You can get on with your happy life.

Trust me, I know.

Fare thee well,
April <3

The Little Things

Greetings!

So this girl I know on Twitter, by the name of Nikki recently made a video about 10 things in the world that just make her happy. It was inspired by someone on tumblr and also by Hayley G. Hoover's annoyances videos on youtube.

Now, I don't know if you aware of this, but I'm a big fan of things that make people happy. Seeing other people happy makes me happy. Happiness is contagious and people trying to spread laughter and joy is not wasted on me.

Happiness is a part of my life force after all. I don't exist without it.

That being said, I'd like to introduce you to 20 little things that make me happy because there are a lot of little things that make me happy:

1. Reading funny tweets on Twitter.

2. Successfully finishing a chapter of fanfiction.

3. The first bite I take of food when I'm SUPER hungry--nothing ever taste better than that.

4. Snuggling with my babylove.

5. FINALLY seeing the next episode of Pretty Little Liars after waiting for it anxiously for a week to come on even if there was no cliff hanger involved in the previous week's episode.

6. Hot showers. Oh, yeah.

7. A fresh relaxer in my hair. Hair cut optional.

8. When you're reading a really good book and you're just dying for the main character to finally be with their love interest and they're so close and you're hearts racing in your chest and you're like "OMFG! JUST KISS THEM ALREADY!!!!" but no matter how many pages you turn it just doesn't happen and you feel just as frustrated as the main character (example: Anna and the French Kiss). I LOVE that.

9. Beating a new world on Kingdom Hearts.

10. Rereading my favorites parts of Harry Potter ("If you were any slower, you'd be going backwards." God, I love you, Malfoy).

11. Listening to my little sister talk about how excited she is about Harry Potter.

12. Conversations with my younger brother that involve him detailing every act of stupidity he's witnessed since the last time he saw me.

13. Realizing that something I just did or saw happened in Azumanga Daioh.

14. Episode 13 of Fullmetal Alchemist.

15. Singing along to songs with the car radio.

16. Quoting Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged on Twitter with Mark.

17. Rewatching Yu-Yu Hakusho just because.

18. Going home to visit my family.

19. Visiting my "in-laws" and feeling like family.

20. Hugs. This probably makes me the happiest.

And there's more. LOTS more because lots of things make me happy. For instacce I didn't say ANYTHING about outer space and I didn't even MENTION blogs or cookies. But, those we'll save for another day.

Fare thee well,
April