Greetings!
I have a lot of social anxiety. I don't know where it developed from considering that the majority of my family seems to be able to thrive in social situations. But me, even in the most comfortable of places like in my house with my family, when I'm with friends that I've known forever, etc., I clam up. I always think of these horrifying scenarios that involve me either putting my foot in my mouth or insulting someone so horribly that they hate me forever.
I think a lot of things in my head, but I don't say them out loud because I know that people don't always interpret things the way that I mean them. In my head I'm incredibly witty, but it happens all to often that people take wit and just assume you're being a jerk and insulting them even if you mean it as a joke.
Basically, I have a filter, because I care about people, I enjoy being considerate, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings unintentionally or otherwise.
Unfortunately, the majority of people on the planet Earth (or at least the people within a 100 mile radius of my house) don't seem to care as much as I do.
I think people just say things so that they can speak. Maybe they like attention, maybe they don't like silence, maybe they're in love with the sound of their own voice. Whatever the case, I think it's important that people develop a filter and actually consider the people around them and what is going to be coming out of their mouth before they actually say it.
Now I know, "people are too thinned skinned," blah, blah, blah.
I know on some level we have to get over being politically correct and coddling people. Sometimes it is appropriate to tell it like it is and keep it real.
The problem is that 99% of people think it's okay to keep it real 100% of the time and that is how people end up getting their feelings hurt, feeling alienated, or calling their best friend and telling them how much of an asshole you are behind your back.
There has to be some level of respect for other people. And I know, respect is earned, not given, which is totally fair, but people aren't going to be respectful of you if you think it's okay to just serve up character flaws in daily conversation at all times. And if they're disrespectful to you, you're just going to be disrespectful back and someone has to eventually put on their big boy pants and realize that they're just continuing a vicious cycle.
I think I'm a good judge of character and I don't think I purposefully get involved with people who are gossip mongers and drama queens and all that. But sometimes, you end up in situations, whether it be because of work or school or whatever, where these kinds of people have to make long term visits into your life and you have to deal.
Most people think it would be easy to just walk up to these people and say to them "You're all bitches who need to get lives," however, that kind of approach to those kinds of people is like a declaration of war. So, for the entirety of their stay in your life they are going to come after you. You will be the focus of their gossip. You will be the focus of their evil glares. You will receive every backhanded compliment they can think of. And you will do the same to them.
Personally, when confronted with unfavorable people like the aforementioned stereotypes, I smile and nod and just basically ignore them. I'm there, but I'm not really participating. It's like being an extra on Star Trek. Picard is having a serious discussion with Geordi and Wesley about the hull, and I'm the red shirt in the background who presses random buttons to fill the empty space--I am there, but I'm not really there. I'm there because I have to be there. I don't walk up to Picard and say "Yo! This is how I think we should stop the Borg!" because that just gives them an invitation to make me into the minor character in the episode who was really smart but if they'd kept their mouth closed they wouldn't have been the first to be assimilated into the hive.
But I digress.
The moral of the story is: Just because you can say something doesn't mean you should.
Free speech is great, but people should learn to censor themselves.
If someone gets a hair cut and they're like "It's the best haircut I ever got! It makes me feel alive!" and you don't like it and you say "I hate it. It's hideous. They've ruined you." you are basically an evil person. Don't rain on people's parades, Negative Nancy. If someone feels good and thinks they could take on an entire army because their haircut is so boss all it takes is one negative comment to completely ruin someone's day. Don't be that guy. If they don't ask for you opinion don't give it, and if they do say "It's not really my style but I'm glad you're enjoying it." They will know what you mean and you won't be perceived as a dream killer.
Finally, and this is probably the biggest problem when it comes to thinking before you speak and using a mental filter, just stop with all the talking behind people's backs.
If someone bothers you and everything about their existence makes your skin crawl and you want to hit them in the face and every time they speak you just hear nails on a chalk board, smile and nod because you're not going to confront them about how much you hate them. So when they leave the room, just poof them out of your head. Do something you enjoy, because talking shit about them isn't going to make you feel better. It's going to make you feel worse for keeping something you detest on your mind for so long. Read a book. Watch TV. Get a hobby. Cure cancer. There are more productive things you can do than dwell on a person you find nauseating.
Remember: Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.
If you want to discuss people, be my guest.
I promise it won't kill you to bite your tongue and not say anything every once in a while. It hasn't killed me yet.
Fare thee well,
April x
Currently Reading: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson (pg. 64 because I'm a slacker)
Song of the Day: You're the Best by Joe Esposito
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