What I Would Call It: It's Tough Being Harry Potter
The one thing I love about Harry throughout the entire series is that he constantly remains enchanted by the magical world he lives in. Every time he learns about about new piece of magic or sees how it works in wonderful and fantastic ways, it's all so beautiful and wonderful to him. It annoys most people I know that Harry constantly seems surprised by the things magic can do and should, especially by the time he gets older, shouldn't be surprised by it anymore.
But I think it's great. It's like how when people first meet the Doctor and they learn aliens are real and they spend the whole day fighting aliens and when it's over and the Doctor invites them to go on adventures with him they see the Tardis, this little blue police box, and ythey wonder, how is that a space ship and they go inside and it's vast and huge and--it's bigger on the inside.
Even though they've spent the whole day fighting Daleks or Cybermen or Santa's with guns and they're like "well now I've seen EVERYTHING" they go into the TARDIS and they're still like "Whoa!" And no matter how many times they travel to different periods in history or how many times they visit other planets, every time they do it's always a wonderful and new experience.
The very same principle applies here.
This only comes to mind because Harry wakes up the next morning after everything and thinks it was all a dream. His world is so normal and so cut and dry that a giant named Hagrid can't have possibly come to take him away to a magical school called Hogwarts. He can't be a wizard. He can't be famous. His parents died in a car crash and not by a dark wizard with a silly name.
But it's true, proven by the owl that shows up tapping on the window to deliver a newspaper. It attacks Hagrid's coat and he instructs Harry to pay the with bird with 5 knuts *snickers*. I'm sorry, but did you seriously read this book as a child and not laugh when the currency was introduced to you as knuts? Did no part of your brain see that and think "that sounds inappropriate so I'm going to laugh at it!"
So, Harry discovers wizards have money, but then is astonished to find they have banks, sorry A bank. One bank. Gringotts. Run by goblins. Awesomesauce. Hagrid says it's a bad idea to rob them because goblins are nasty and mean, but it is the safest place in the world, "'cept maybe Hogwarts". But they have to go there anyway for Dumbledore.
You know, sometimes I think of Dumbledore as being like Captain Picard. He was always so smart and intelligent and kind and all that and when business needed to get taken care of, he had the perfect team for it. So when aliens attacked or when something in the engine room broke, Data or Geordi or Riker would be like "this is how we can fix it" and Picard would be "That's cool, do this in addition to that" and they'd be like "that's an even better plan" and Picard is all "Yep, cause I'm all awesome. Make it so."
And sometimes it seems like Picard isn't the hero, without his leadership and all his "make it so's" nothing would ever get done. Like Dumbledore.
And now that I've confused those of you who have never seen Star Trek before, let's move along.
Harry asks how Hagrid got here because, there's no other boat aside from uncle Vernon's. Hagrid says he flew. Harry imagines Hagrid flying and so do I. Like, can't you just picture Hagrid soaring through the sky, his jacket flapping in the wind behind him like some large, hairy superman? Best imagery I've had in my head all day.
On the boat, Hagrid reads the Daily Prophet and Harry, as is typical of any 11-year-old asks a thousand questions. We learn that wizards have a Ministry of Magic. I Googled "British Ministries" to gain a better grasp of how their government works and I got confused. There were a lot of people and dates and time lines. No definitions. I, an ignorant American, can only assume (after also watching Torchwood and Doctor Who which are both places you want to look to learn about how things REALLY happen across the pond) that they have different ministries there that function as their form of government, like here in America we have different departments and what not like the Department of Defense and so on. Like that.
I'm sure I'm probably wrong but, like I said, ignorant American.
According to Hagrid, the ministry wanted Dumbledore to be Minister of Magic (which is equal to the President or Prime Minister--I do know SOME things) but everyone knows he loves Hogwarts so Cornelius Fudge asks him a thousand questions a day about how to do his job.
Harry asks why the Ministry of Magic keeps magic away from Muggles. Because muggles are greedy. Didn't he see Lord of the Rings? What happened when Sauron gave the rings to kings of men? They got all power hungry and turned into the Nazgul... Then again it is only 1991 where Harry is and so it hasn't been made into a major motion picture yet. I think that terrible cartoon was out back then but... Like I said, terrible cartoon. And Harry doesn't strike me as the kind of child who reads Tolkein.
But that's exactly why muggles don't know about magic, because if they did they'd want magic to solve all their problems.
Another question Harry asks is about if Gringotts really keeps a dragon in its vault. I'm sure he was getting at "are Dragons real?" but Hagrid says that he's wanted a dragon ever since he was a child (there'll be a quiz on this later).
They get on a train and people stare. Maybe it's because it's because Hagrid's a giant who likes to knit yellow things. I think people wouldn't stare as much if he were doing something appropriate to the way he looks like, cleaning a shot gun or sharpening an axe.
Whilst knitting, Harry looks at his school supply list. There's his uniform for starters (did you know their robes had NAME TAGS?). There's a list of some awesome books everyone wants: Standard book of spells, A History of Magic (Bathilda!), and Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Hey, I have that one!) for starters.
Then there's "Other Equipment". At the very top of the list is the most magical, shiny, wonderful, glorious thing that everyone wishes they had (or, if you do have one you wish it worked outside of your imagination): 1 Wand.
Excuse me while the little fan girl inside of dances and spins and twirls dreamily.
Moving on, they go to London and come to the place known as "The Leaky Cauldron". Harry suspects that only he and Hagrid can see it. He will learn later of course, that muggles only really see what they want to see.
Inside, it looks like a pub, people smoked, people drank. They saw Hagrid and waved hello. It was like the set of Cheers.
Tom the bartender asks if Hagrid wants his usual, but Hagrid can't drink while he's working. Then everything goes still. People stare. Then everyone's like "OMG! You're Harry Potter!"
Then, a name I remember, Dedalus Diggle. Harry's all like "I've seen you before! You bowed to me once in a shop!" And then Dedalus gets all fangirly. He reminds me of me that day I went to my first The Remus Lupins concert and Alex Carpenter was like "Oh, yeah, I remember you from MySpace." And on the inside I was all like "OMG! Alex Carpenter knows who I am! Whee!" But on the outside I was like "cool" because, I was too cool for that whole fangirling people outwardly (that is until the day I met Neville's Diary, but that's an embarrassing tale worthy of it's own blog).
Then we meet another character intrinsic to the plot, without whom this book would have no plot: Professor Quirrell who has an eye twitch and a stutter and teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts.
After he leaves the pub to an empty, walled courtyard where Harry asks if Quirrell is always that nervous. Apparently, and I forgot all about this, he was fine until he took that year off and ran into those vampires and the hag and now he's scared of everything.
Hagrid taps a brick on the wall and a hold appears which grows bigger and bigger until an archway forms and a little cobblestone (*google image searches cobblestone* So THAT'S what they look like. It's like brick but not really) street.
Welcome to Diagon Alley.
Whatever, Jo. We know you just pulled the word diagonally apart and added an "e". I know your game.
Diagon Alley is magical and wonderful and did I mention wonderful. It's filled with loads of shops filled with awesome things that Harry wouldn't have thought up in his dizziest day dreams. But then they come to Gringotts, the giant white building with the creepy little goblins.
They go up to the counter and meet with a wee goblin. After asking for the key to Harry's vault. Hagrid slips the teller a note and says it's about the "you-know-what" in vault 713.
Oh. Em. Gee. 7 and 13 are my two favorite numbers. Coincidence?
So, a goblin by the name of Griphook pops up and leads them back to the vaults by way of a fun roller coaster type train that makes Hagrid sick.
On the way, I find one way that muggles are better than wizards. Harry asks Hagrid what the difference between stalagmite and stalactite are. Hagrid replied with "Stalagmite has an 'm' in it."
Now, because I'm a muggle I have a mobile cellular device. On this this cell phone I can go to this website called google and type in something like "stalagmite vs stalactite" and then google will come back and tell me the answer.
Wizards and witches of the world--where's your google?
That's right, Muggles: 1 Wizards: 1,000,000,000,000...
So, they reach Harry's vault and he opens the door and inside are mountains and mountains and mountains of money. Harry realizes that he's rich and is flabbergasted. Hagrid explains the money, knuts, sickles, and galleons. I won't repeat it here because I've never remembered it and I doubt I ever will. I'm okay with that.
After collecting his money, they go to vault 713 and pull out the You-Know-What. Harry is disappointed that in side of the vault is empty except for the You-Know-What. He thought there was going to be tons of cash and jewels on the inside of it, but alas, no.
When they leave Gringotts, Hagrid suggest Harry go get his school robes while he goes to get a pick me up from the Leaky Cauldron. Yes, Hagrid, that's responsible. Leave a child who's never been here before ever in his life to wander here alone. You most certainly can go get a drink from the pub.
Inside Madame Malkin puts him up on a stool next to some pointy faced albino boy (I wonder who that could be...) who immediately starts up a conversation with him.
At first it's friendly, though the boy seems bored. He then expresses his disgust at not being allowed a broom into school and how he's going to bully his father into buying one for him so he can smuggle it in.
This robe fitting just took a turn for the douche.
Draco--I mean, the boy, asks Harry if he has his own broom. "No." Does he play Quidditch? "No". Harry wonders what the eff is Quidditch. I want to know why he hasn't told this spoiled kid to kick rocks already. But the boys goes on about how awesome it is and how it's a crime if he doesn't get picked to play for his house. Then the boy asks what house he thinks he'll be in. Harry doesn't know but his monosyllabic replies don't stop the boy from continuing to speak. He think he'll be in Slytherin because his whole family has been. Then he says "Imagine being in Hufflepuff, I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?"
*pulls out shot gun*
Eff you, Malfoy! Don't talk crap about my people! We Hufflepuff's are a proud, if not somewhat easily frightened, people! We may not be the smartest or the bravest or the most popular, but we're individuals damn it!
Before I can murder the boy, he sees Hagrid outside and Harry can finally give more than one word replies to him. He says that it's Hagrid. Then things get MEGA douchey.
Draco asks if he's some sort of servant. Harry says he's gamekeeper. Then Draco says he's a savage who gets drunk every once in a while and tries to do magic and ends up setting his bed on fire.
First of all Malfoy, Hagrid is not a savage. He's bohemian. Jerk.
Harry thinks Hagrid is brilliant and Draco asks why he's even here with him and not with his parents. Harry says his parents are dead. Draco says sorry but doesn't really mean it and earns his spot at the top of Harry Potter's shit list.
Finally Madame Malkin, finishes up Draco's robe and he skips along his merry ol' way. But Harry is sad. He doesn't know about Quidditch and the Malfoy boy says that Muggle Borns she be allowed in. But Hagrid is great at cheering people up.
Obviously, if this Malfoy kid had known who he was he wouldn't have been such a jackhole. Besides, lots of Muggle Borns are awesome, like Lily. Even if her sister was a complete douche.
But Harry wants to know more about Quidditch. Hagrid says it's a complicated sport played on Brooms (and if you've ever read Quidditch Through the Ages you'll know this is true).
And then, What are Slytherin and Hufflepuff?
They're the school houses of course, Hagrid replied. He also says that Hufflepuffs "are a lot of o' duffers" and Harry immediately thinks he'll land in Hufflepuff. Well you'd be proud to Harry. So. . . There.
Which Hagrid kind of agrees with--it's better than Slytherin anyhow because that was Voldemort's house. Hufflepuff is better than alls ya'lls houses. Word.
After finishing up their ice cram they pop over to Florish and Blotts for his school books, then Hagrid has to talk Harry out of buying a solid gold cauldron (Ten Responsibility points for Hagrid) and then they pop over to the apothecary which smells bad but looks pretty cool... Like your mom...
The last thing Harry has left to buy is his wand.
So, Hagrid goes and buys Harry an animal (HEDWIG! Weeeee!) and then they go to Ollivanders!
Ollivander immediately gives off that old guy vibe. You know the one I'm talking about. He's like the old man that sits in his rocking chair on his porch that all the children go and hear stories from.
And he knows everyone. Old people know everyone.
Ollivander continues to behave like a creepy old man by invading Harry's personal space and touching his scar. He proceeds to say that he sold the wand that did that to his face --he's sorry about that, obviously.
But, Ollivander, gets on with life and starts measuring Harry everywhere (most notably, between his nostrils) and also pulls out some wands for Harry.
All of the wands are made of fail, but then Ollivander gets a curious idea. Luckily, this hunch works out. Harry, who loves to asks questions asks why the wand he has is curious.
"Oh, only because the wand I gave Voldemort had a phoenix feather core from the exact same phoenix who's feather is in your wand. Ain't that nutty? Say! I bet since your wands are relatives you'll probably be pretty awesome. You see, that Voldemort, boy was he an awesome wizard, definitely evil, crazy, out of his mind of course, but, yeah, also pretty bad ass."
Nope, not creepy at all.
Harry pays Ollivander and leaves, wondering why people love him so much. He doesn't even know why he's famous. It must be SO hard to be loved, Harry. I mean, after years of living in a cupboard under some stairs with spiders, enduring years of psychological trauma and physical abuse from your family members and classmates, how dare these people acknowledge your existence? How dare they show sympathy for your dead parents, and how dare they marvel at the fact that as a baby you weren't murdered by a dark wizard? How dare they expect the best out of you.
It must be hard being extraordinary.
Harry's day ends with Hagrid putting him on the train back to the Dursley's with his ticket for Hogwarts and says that if the Dursley give him trouble to send a letter with his owl.
Harry looks out the window to see Hagrid as he pulls away but Hagrid is gone. He probably flew away again.
I love the way you make the dialogue informal and modern and American n stuff.
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