March is not cooperating. Not at all.
The story begins last night around 11:30 when I realized that come midnight, I was not going to be asleep. I have this thing, probably called insomnia, where when I lay down at night to go to sleep, it doesn't work. Unless I go to bed when I'm actually sleepy, it's not going to happen. Otherwise I lie there, wide awake in the dark frustrated about not being able to sleep.
So I decided that since I wasn't going to be sleeping at midnight the very least I could do was turn off the computer, which I did. Long story short, I went to bed at almost two, which considering I usually hit the hay around 4:30 is a step in the right direction.
I was all prepared to wake up and be groggy at 8:30 this morning but, come 6 o'clock I hear something moving in the dark--a familiar sound. Mice. With the knowledge that there were mice in my apartment for the umpteenth time this year, I cannot get to sleep, which is fine. I figured, if I'm up at six, I'll definitely be asleep before midnight.
But no, I feel back asleep at 10, even though I told myself that I was not going to sleep past nine. To make it even worse, I didn't wake up until my boyfriend got home from work at about 12:30.
AKML.
Still, there's plenty of time left in the day. I can totally still read, write and clean up a bit before the day ends.
So I long on to check my e-mail and there's a message to me from my college bearing really, really bad news.
You see, I took all online classes last semester which was a HORRIBLE idea and I will never do it again because I did really bad. I can't learn outside of a classroom, which is something I'm happy I learned early on my college career.
But, like I said I did really, really bad and despite having been on the Dean's List the semester before my GPA dropped down super low. And because my GPA was not satisfactory I "may not receive financial aid for my next semester of enrollment."
So basically today:
1. There are probably mice in my apartment
2. I slept in.
3. Academic probation
Yep. March is just shaping up to be. . . Awesome.
And of course, armed with the information that I can't go back to school until the spring or whenever they decide I can give fin-aid another try I have walk into Target everyday and feel like I am completely and utterly wasting my life away working at a store that I can't even afford to shop at.My life is so awesome.
And get this: when I'm in a bad mood, like right now, I find it very, very difficult to write and read. It's not usually an issue because I am just so happy-go-lucky all of the time, but it's days like this that make me feel like I'm just not up to it. It's days like this that just make me want to go all Wayne Brady on people.
Still, I need to push through all of the bad stuff and know that there is something good coming out on the other side. So even though today sucks the future holds this:
1. I will live in a place that doesn't have mice really soon.
2. Tomorrow is a new day and I can try not sleeping in then.
3. I can easily pull my grades up.
My motto is to always look on the bright side of life and, besides, March is my month to spring clean my body and mind so starting over and looking on the bright side totally implied in that, at least it is for me.
The past year has been tough for me with all my friends being so far away at school and I've been here trying to figure out exactly what direction I want my life to go in. I've always known what I want to do at the end of it all, but I don't know exactly what I want to do to get there. I'm at Point A and I want to get to Point B, but do I take a plane, a train, a bus, or a car to get there?
All I want is to keep going to school, keep writing and to not have mice in my apartment and the universe has yet to cooperate long enough for me to do any of those things successfully simultaneously.
*takes a deep breath*
But I'll be okay, I think. . . Yeah. I just need to breathe a little bit. Relax. Look straight ahead to the light at the end of the tunnel.
Tomorrow will be better, even if I have to go to work at a job that makes me want to ram my head through drywall.
Today's Starting Word Count: 16,673
Ending Word Count: 17,212
Difference: -539
Favorite Sentence Written Today: "What do I need a closet for when I have a perfectly good floor?"
Today's Starting Page: 38
Ending Page: 38
Difference: -20
Song of the Day: "Breathe (2 a.m)" by Anna Nalick
Aw, April. You can do it! Bad days happen. The only thing is to not let them exist beyond their day. When you fall asleep tonight, it's done, it's over. And maybe that silver lining is the motivation you need to fall asleep earlier. :)
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