Greetings!
There are lots of things I hate about college. Going in general. The way some teachers grade. The fact that not all of the classes are based on your opinion. The fact that I have to take math in general. I wish I could just do tons and tons of independent research and study what I want and learn what I want and just be happy with that.
But NO. That's not how college works. And the whole core curriculum thing does kind of broaden your horizons and let you learn more about stuff you don't necessarily care for and all that nonsense.
And while I should just go on about how college is a great learning experience I wish every day that I did not have to go.
Why? Because, despite being an institute of higher education a lot of the people who seem to work for these places are complete idiots.
I know, that doesn't make sense but it's true.
When tiny, quiet, "why-don't-you-ever-get-angry" April, almost screams at a lady in the business office, you know things are kind of crazy. Kind of like how when Molly Weasley went around killing people in Deathly Hallows you knew shit was serious.
What happened you might ask?
Well, here's the deal. Last fall I was attending John Carroll University. A fantastic school in Cleveland and everyone loves it and a bunch of famous people went there [not that I know too many of them] and everyone was so excited that I got a full ride.
Now, this would be awesome, except I didn't like it. But here's why: My high school, which made promises that it didn't keep basically, is apart of this great network of schools called the "Cristo Rey Network." For those of you who've never heard of the Cristo Rey schools basically it's a school exclusively for under privileged kids in urban communities who don't make a lot of money and can't afford to go to good schools. Once a week every student in the school goes out to a job site to work for the day and that pays your tuition and you get some real life job experience.
I give my school kudos for that. Plus, if you worked at your job over breaks and stuff you got to keep the money. I did that once. It was awesome.
Now, for four years, I worked at John Carroll University. I loved working at JCU. I had the same supervisor all four years. I love her. I met her sons. We'd hang out and go to lunch sometimes it was great. I worked in the alumni office for two years [it was pretty... okay] and the last two years there I worked in the community service office and that was the best place ever.
Now when I finished high school I got full rides to two schools and being of limited means I obviously had to go to one of them. Eastern Michigan University or John Carroll.
Now, EMU is a great school on paper but when I visited it I HATED the campus and I'd pretty much already lived in a place I hated for 18 years so I opted for John Carroll which I knew like the back of my hand already and I'd have a work study job lined up where I'd worked for 4 years and all that jazz.
So, I start school there and I get a roommate who likes to party and she had really good taste in healthy snacks. We existed around each other but she was cool. And I made other friends and my classes were great and I loved going to work and junk but day after day after day of going to the same place I'd been going to once a week for four years was slowly tearing my mind into little pieces of insanity.
Also, my advisor was an idiot. Like, I had this psychotic Religious Studies teacher and I needed to drop her class and it took him literally 3 Weeks for him to remove me from it because he thought I should take it.
Anyway...
I got to the point where there was one week where I went to only ONE DAY of my classes because I was losing my mind. I'd already given JCU four years of my life. Four more years and it would be like they owned my soul. I felt trapped and crazy and like I was still in high school because it was just like high school. I associated everything there with high school and I hated it.
So, for my own sanity, I dropped out and decided to go to Cuyahoga Community College while I figured out exactly what I wanted to do to my life.
I got hit with a lot of shit for this decision. My high school principal was appalled that I turned down my scholarship to got Tri-C. It was almost like the money they were giving to go to John Carroll was worth my sanity.
And it's not. I'd rather be sane going to a mediocre school than being miserable and slowly going crazy because people are giving me money.
I have my priorities in order thank you very much and money doesn't top my list. I cannot be bought.
While I was at John Carroll I had to do work-study which meant basically I worked two days a week and that paid off the small amount of tuition that I had [it was like $600]. Now, every two weeks I wrote John Carroll a check consisting of all the money I made doing work study and one week I got sick and after I got out of classes I left campus to go home and be ill instead of paying them when I had like $200 left to pay them.
So, Monday when I get back on campus and am feeling better I get a call:
JCU: "Uh, you didn't pay us this week. Pay us or we'll put a hold on your account."
Me: "I was sick. I went home after I got paid. Excuse me for valuing my health over the money I was going to give you. I'll pay you next week when I get paid again."
JCU: "You won't be able to register for classes if your balance is over $200."
Me: "Well, seeing as how I'm transferring at the end of the semester and that my next pay check will pay off my debt to you people, I'm not too concerned about it."
JCU: "We won't send out your transcripts if you don't pay us!!!"
Me: "Then it's a good thing that MY NEXT CHECK WILL PAY OFF MY DEBT TO YOU PEOPLE SO I'M NOT TOO CONCERNED ABOUT IT, or did you miss me say that the first time."
Do people not listen when I talk? Does every thing I say go in one ear and out the other? How do I give you a legit explanation of my circumstances and you completely miss everything?
So I was happy to leave John Carroll and it's business office that likes to ignore everything you say and I went to Tri-C.
Now, Tri-C seemed nice at first, but then my friends this semester happened and I'm just about fed up with this school too. I mean, at this point I've already decided what the next step in my life will be so that's awesome because it includes going back to a 4-year institute [my mommas alma mater for that matter--it's not like they take money off your tuition if you're a legacy student with good grades or anything... Except that they totally do] and leaving Tri-C but these past two weeks makes me want to just wait it out and wait to go to Cleveland State University next fall and just screw this school for now.
But no, I'm going to keep going to school like the good girl I am.
But I digress, two weeks ago I went up to Tri-C to ask if the balance I have left on my account from the summer could be combined with my balance from the fall so they could take the hold off my account and I could register for classes. Sounds reasonable especially since I have a stupid amount of money left over anyway.
And it is reasonable because they said "Yes, April. That is fine. We will do that."
I ignored the fact that I had to wait in line AN HOUR because the FINANCIAL AID office had ONE PERSON working there but literally FIFTY PEOPLE waiting to see them because everything was going to work out...
Or so I thought and I should stop expecting things to go right in my life as far as school is concerned because they're not going to. Everyone person I meet is going to be an idiot.
It's two weeks later and the hold was still on my account. Now, I go figure there must be some misunderstanding someone just forgot to click a little button and take the hold off, so I go visit and I tell them this whole story of how I was there two weeks ago to get a hold off my account and they said okay but it's still there.
Now, excuse me for thinking they could just clear up this little mess with a click of a button and poof I'd magically be able to register again but, no. That is not the story of my life.
The story of my life is that woman I spoke to said "we need that in writing from the financial aid office on this particular little pink sheet of paper."
"Aha!" I say, "But I did get it in writing from the financial aid office on that particular sheet of pink paper two weeks ago when I was here originally."
"Do you remember the exact day you were here?"
"Uh, no."
"Who did you talk to?"
"Some Asian woman I think."
"Well, we're too lazy to go and look for it ourselves so you're going to to need to wait in the epicly long line at financial aid and have them sign this particular sheet of pink paper for you again."
"FUCK. YOU."
I was so mad I was ready to leave. Luckily, I was convinced by ever wonderful boyfriend that it would be irrational to leave because I'd have to come back anyway.
So, I wait in line at Fin Aid forever and get inside the office finally where they, without a problem write on the pink sheet of paper that my financial aid will cover my old balance and to please remove the hold.
Awesome. I felt better already. UNTIL, that is, I go back to the business office and the woman is GONE!!!
She told me that I wouldn't have to wait in line again and to just bring it to her when I got back and she'd clear it all up.
AND SHE WAS GONE!
At this point I felt like screaming. Like walking up to the window and swearing loudly about kicking a goat and punching a baby and eating their souls for making things 100 TIMES MORE DIFFICULT THAN THEY NEEDED TO BE.
I wait for about 10 minutes before she shows back up to take the hold off my account.
So, that is how my day was and why I currently hate school.
The only reason I'm even going to school is because my determination to be a author outweighs my unwillingness to deal with idiots and while I could very well write without going to college, I happen to know that it will open all kinds of new experiences for me and new experiences are good when you're a writer.
I have no safety net. No other aspirations and some people would view that as lunacy but they also viewed me leaving John Carroll as lunacy and I'm doing awesome now aren't I? I'm aware becoming a successful writer is more complicated than that but I feel like having a back up plan would be like giving myself permission to fail and I will NOT accept failure.
Maybe one day I'll change my mind, getting a teaching license and teach English as a back up plan, but until I'm going to continue to deal with idiots and be one of those lunatics who aspires to do something completely outrageous.
And when I succeed and people who doubted me tell me how proud they are but how stupid I was I'll say,
"Yeah, but I did it didn't I? So suck my imaginary balls."
I won't be satisfied with a back up plan. If I'm 95 years old and unpublished I'll still be happy because I didn't quit. I didn't settle.
I've never settled for anything and I don't ever want to.
I didn't settled for John Carroll or that boy who liked to write poetry about me when I was in 9th grade.
It may take me a while to get to where I'm going but I'm going to get there. My whole life I've been overlooked because I didn't get straight A's, I was Editor-In-Chief of a newspaper no one wanted to read, I listed Harry Potter as my favorite books and genre of music, and I've always just been nice and "nice guys finish last."
And you know what I say to that? Fuck that.
Whoever said nice guys finish last can blow me. I've been the little, quiet, stepped on kid for too long. I've decided I'm going to be Neville Longbottom the BAMF from Deathly Hallows who basically told Voldemort to go to hell and lived to tell the tale.
And I'm sure that's much more difficult to do than being published. I mean if someone told me my only two options in life were to either tell Voldemort to go to hell or tell me to write books for the rest of my life, I'd definitely write books instead.
And you would too, cause I'm sure you don't want to be Avada Kedavraed.
Fare thee well,
April
No comments:
Post a Comment